Letters in the Locker
by FernFrost
Summary: Matthew gets a surprise after class in his locker. One that has potential to change a lot about what he knows and what he thought he did. -my first go ever! . -
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

Be nice, this is my absolute very first ever. I am most likely going to be doing more when I get the chance to. I'll keep updating as often as possible.

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It was raining heavily. My hair and clothing were soaked. My chest was heaving as I tried my hardest to regain my lost breath and silence myself. What had my brother done this time? I could only imagine. I blamed Alfred for all of this. There was just no way this was happening on its own accord.

Leaning forward, I rested my hands on my knees as I drew in a much needed breath. Pausing for a moment, I straightened out my glasses and peered out from the bushes I was taking refuge in. 'Lost him. Good riddance'. I sighed in relief. The wayward curl that occassionally hung in my face was blown up a little, but just barely. It, like the rest of my hair was plastered to and around my pale face.

Ivan had to be the creepiest guy in school. It was a little more then moritfying when I had opened my locker after biology and found a slough of letters pouring out to the floor. Having dug through them, much to my dismay, I discovered that they all had come from none other then Ivan himself. Flattering? Yes. I was never noticed, not normally atleast. It made for a boring school life, but I was used to it. So finding so many letters in my locker was a shocking surprise I had never seen coming. However, knowing that each and every one of them were from the looming and eerie Russian everyone avoided, caused me to shiver.

I adjusted the strap of the bag on my shoulder and stole another glance to double check before I left. Once I was assured, I carefully edged out and ran through the rest of the park. I didn't stop until I got home. My muddy shoes didn't stop pounding into the soaked earth until I reached the front steps of our home and even then, I hurried until I was able to open the door and slip inside. Closing the door immediately, I locked it. As if the giant would follow me home and come in unannounced. 'I wouldn't put it passed him though'. But now was the serious question.

"Alfred! What did you do?!"

Nothing but silence. I kicked off my shoes and left them on the matt. Dropping my house key into the bowl by the door as I continued to walk into the house I could hear a voice drifting out from the kitchen. Papa. No one else would be in there. He was just glad it was the humming of an old song rather then the cries of my parents in the throws of ecstasy. I quickly headed up stairs. My feet pounding into the steps as I moved up. I hit the landing and headed down the hall. Second door on the right. I lifted a hand and knocked on the door. Normally I would knock softly and take my time, but this was serious. Inside the room I could hear Alfred on the computer. I could hear the keys clicking away furiously. Most likely chatting with a few thousand of his friends.

"Al! Open the door now, this is serious!"

I stopped for a moment and waited outside. My arms folded over my chest as I stood there. My soaking jacket and school bag still on. My hair was dripping and my glasses were fogged over slightly. not exactly cutting an intimidating appearance, I waited. I could hear him inside sighing heavily and pushing away from the computer. The irritated steps towards the door as he opened it. I now stared into the eyes of my identical twin.

"What's so important that you need to drag me away from my game!" He said looking very serious. I opened my mouth to say something before he cut me off. "Hurry! I'm holding up the entire group! We are about to invade, now what is it?!"

"Alfred, what did you do?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about? I haven't done anything... lately. Why? What happened?"

"You know exactly what happened! My locker was stuffed full of letters from Ivan the Terrible!" I said, looking a little more then upset. Al just stared at me with a vacant expression on his face. Something that wasn't an unfamiliar sight. But soon he started to laugh at me. Rather obnoxiously at that. "Why is that funny!? You know how much of a creep he is!"

"Its the look on your face! Its probably just a joke. A really good one, one I wish was mine. I would just ignore it." He continued to laugh it off.

"No! Its not! Alfred this is serious! Ivan followed me after school. He was actually chasing me. I had to cut through the park before I was able to get rid of him." I stood for a moment and Alfred had stopped laughing. But instead he was looking at me a little concerned. 'Finally!' I thought.

"You really aren't joking, are you?"

"No! Alfred, have you ever once known me to make jokes about such serious things? No one ever even takes notice of me in school unless they think I'm you. But all these letters... Alfred, they all have my name on them and they are all from Ivan." Alfred seemed to actually be applying thought. But I was sorely mistaken.

"Well, its probably just a one day thing. I heard he did that to Yao once." Lying. He had to be lying. Yao, not that I really knew him, hadn't had the same problem. Everyone would have been talking about it. I would have heard it. "Just don't worry yourself Mattie." He patted my head and smiled before he closed the door and shouted something as he sat back at the computer. Instantly I could hear the keys clicking and my brother swearing about something blowing his head off. I rolled my eyes and turned around, not really noticing the wet pool that had formed on the floor. Making a fast decision, I chose to change first then return to clean it up.

I entered my room, much neater then Alfred's mind you, and tossed my bag in the chair. The partially open bag slipped from its place and spilled the letters and my books onto the floor as I was halfway through peeling my sopping shirt from my body. I sighed. This was a bad day. Horrible, terrible!

- - - - - - - - -

After cleaning up, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew there was a knock on my bedroom door. A soft one, followed by a soft voice.

"Mon petit, Mathieu. Réveillez-toi, its time to eat."

I looked over to the door, my eyes heavy with sleep, but not heavy enough to notice that he had come into my room and was examining something near my chair. I pushed myself up and stretched a little.

"Papa? What are you-" I froze. As I looked on, I had seen what was in my father's hands. I could practically see the spread grin on his face. The frenchmen turned around with that look. That look in his eyes every time he heard someone mention L-O-V-E. Everytime someone hinted at the act, or 'art' of love. Romance. Roses, wines and chocolates. 'MAPLE!' I screamed in my head as I looked at him.

"Mathieu, is this secret love?" He asked, a completely delighted look on his face. They all knew I wasn't exactly popular, and I really never actually had any friends. Friends or loves. Admittingly, yes, I was a virgin. I had never even kissed someone else, so for Francis to find these things was a big deal. Unfortunately. I blushed deeply.

"No! No! Its not! Its just some guy at school playing a joke on me." If only that would work. Papa just smiled at me in that special way and winked.

"Oui. Of course Mathieu." He smiled at me, I knew he wasn't going to give up that easy. I watched carefully as he set the letters down again and smiled, repeating that it was time to eat before he left the room. I waited until he was gone before I fell back on the bed and pulled my pillow over my face. Screaming into the pillow.

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oh wow. I'm sorry to anyone who can actually speak French. Its sad, I have not the first clue about the language and I used an online translator. If I made any errors or said something that just makes no sense please tell me. XD ^w^


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

Chapter 2! squee! don't mind me, I'm still psyched about writing this. there isn't enough Canada in fanfic. Its my given mission to change that. lol

I admit, it was late when I wrote this. forgive me if it seems rushed in places

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The meal was as eventful as it usually was. I sat in my place quietly and ate the meal that, thankfully, Papa had prepared. Of course, he wouldn't let Dad near the kitchen under any circumstances. Even if it meant his life, he would still cook, just so Alfred and I wouldn't have to suffer through something that tasted like soot and charcol. Bless him for that.

There was the usual fighting and arguing at the table between Dad and Papa about several things. Things that neither Al or I wanted to hear about. We simply didn't care. I ignored it as best as I could like every meal, but Alfred insisted on making faces and purposefully scraping his fork across the plate to show his displeasure. I shook my head. But this normality was a relief.

I was worried and waiting the entire time for Papa to break out in song about the letters he had found in my room. Those letters. I ought to have burned them. All of them. I didn't even want to read them, scared of what I might see and learn. But that part of me, deep inside that screamed with joy for finally being noticed poked at me and prodded me into bending. I needed to know. I had to. After all, if it had just been a joke, then why was I so worried? If not, then I would have a solid way to stuff them in Alfred's face and prove that he was wrong. No, bad idea. My brother's complex would kick in and then all hell would break loose.

I finished my supper early and thanked Papa for it. Wonderful as always. I wanted to get upstairs to my room as fast as possible, claiming I had homework made it believable. However Papa gave me that look. Dad fortunately was still oblivious. I hoped it would stay that way. Taking off, I left them. Hearing the shouts and insults flying back and forth between them, I noted that Alfred wasn't leaving too long after I had. Ducking into my room, I closed the door before he could ask me anything, and locked it. No way was I going to let Alfred in on this. He didn't believe me then, and he wouldn't believe me now.

Immediately I took to the letters, picking them up and counting as I went. My eyes widening as the number grew higher and higher. Just how many letters had Ivan written to me? This guy was a psycho!

I sat down on my bed and sighed. Dropping the letters into a heap beside me on the bed, I slowly began to sort through them. Taking up the first one, I looked at the envelope for a long time. Indeed, it really was my name written there. It really actually was my name. But directly under that in smaller cursive loops was Ivan's name. A sweet little 'Love Ivan'. My stomach turned over a little. Was this a joke?

My hands shaking I turned it over and began to open the envelope up. Taking out the letter, I unfolded it and began to read.

|~ Dear Matthew,

How others could possibly mistake you for your uncivilized brother astounds me. You are so sweet and innocent. The way you keep to yourself and are always so kind to everyone, even when they forget who you are. I am not like them. I always know who I'm looking at when I see you. I know who I'm thinking about when I think of you.

I had a dream. You and I were in a feild of bright sunflowers and the warm light illuminated your smiling face. You are so beautiful Matthew. If only others... ~|

No, I pulled the letter away. My ears were burning red in embarrassment. Granted, it was beautiful handwriting and I was certain that Ivan had taken a lot of time to write those words carefully. He was no William Shakespear, that was for sure and if Papa ever laid eyes on this he would have a feild day. I would have to hide them. Atleast this one. This creepy disturbing one. I folded it up again and set it to his envelope. I picked up a second. Yet again my eyes were greeted with more of the same garble. Over and over again as I went through them. I couldn't bring myself to even finish reading them.

I packed them all away. I had taken up one of my floorboards and tucked them away. I didn't want them, but some small part of me liked them. Why? Ivan knew who I was. Perhaps the first to ever notice me. That was all I was interested in preserving. As I fit the floorboard in place, I heard a knock on my door.

"Matthew? Open the door lad, please."

Dad. I closed my eyes.

"Just a minute! I'm changing." I lied through my teeth, immediately ripping off my clothes and pulling out my red pajama pants. Slipping them on quickly, I moved to the door and unlocked it. Opening the blockade, I stood under the inspecting green eyes. What was going on? Dad was soon walking into my room and closing the door.

"We need to talk."

Oh god, was this it? I was going to kill Papa if he told. But I had followed the regular procedure and took a seat on my bed while Dad took his place in my computer chair. This was it, I could tell. I just knew. The way Papa was, he must have said something.

"Lad, I need to talk to you about dinner tonight."

Relief washed over me and I let go of a breath I hadn't even known I was holding. Lucky for Papa all dad wanted to discuss was the fighting the two had done over supper. It wasn't like this was new. This happened all the time, I suppose they must have thought it was too much tonight since I took off so quickly.

"Oh, Dad, you don't need to..."

"Well, yes I do Matthew. I know we fight a lot... " Papa definately had a part to play in this somewhere. He was more tenderhearted. Sure, he was a pervert, but he was softer then Dad. He probably made him come up here and talk to me. Little to my knowledge, I wasn't even really listening to him much. My mind going back to all those letters. If I counted right and remembered, there must have been nearly twenty five letters in there.

"... so I'm sorry if we made you and Alfred uncomfortable."

"Huh? Oh, its really okay dad. It really wasn't that. I just really had a lot of homework I had to do."

"Well, alright then." He finally was leaving. Finally. I watched him with a painted smile on my face. a tussel of my blonde hair and he left me.

"Good night dad." I said cheerfully, closing the door as he left. The horrible secret was safe. But it wasn't really much of a secret I suppose. If Papa and Alfred knew, it was only a matter of time before it would leak out. I just hoped it wouldn't be any time soon.

I shuffled over to my bed once more, hitting the light. Tomorrow was another day. Another day to the beginning of something I didn't really want to get involved in. I hoped this was just a joke as Alfred seemed to believe it was. Just a bad joke and nothing more. I pulled the covers over myself as I removed my glasses and set them on the nightstand. Setting my alarm, I pulled my stuffed polarbear, Kumajiro, into my arms and turned over to sleep.

- - - - - - - - -

Awkward. How else could I explain noon hour? There was no other way. Ivan kept steeling glances at me descreetly. Had he always done that? I sat in my ever present in-school silence. Lifting the cracker to my mouth as I took a bite, trying hard to ignore the looming presence of the Russian. He was spooky enough on a normal day, but since yesterday, I can't seem to help being even more awkward around him. Blushing faintly whenever I made eye contact with him. That was hard to stop. I couldn't understand why I was doing it, but I was glad to see Alfred doing something. Or, feeling it first.

I felt a check to my side as Al took a seat beside me instead of with his friends. This was a nice change. But I noticed the odd look on his face. I looked up to follow the icy gaze to Ivan. Great. Alfred was kicking into his hero mode. I swear if he got up and started shouting, I would die of embarrassment. But much to my pleasure, he did no such thing. Al just remained the silent guardian. Maybe he had taken me seriously.

- - - - - - - - -

Once more I was left on my own to walk home. Alfred had ditched again and gave me his bag to carry home while he took off to go to the movies with his friends. It was his own fault if he failed grade eleven. Just because the end was near, didn't mean he had to take off like that. If anything I should be the one out with my friends. If I had any.

I shifted two bags on my shoulders now. Alfred's was significantly more labour to carry then mine was. I couldn't believe just how much homework Al had. But then again, comparing his life style to mine, this made sense. I sighed heavily and trudged on through the muddy park. This route was the shortest, but unfortunately the wet ground hadn't dried at all from the heavy down pour of the previous night.

I continued on. Losing myself in thought. Daydreaming again. Daydreaming until I felt something solid infront of me. I rammed hard into something and fell back into the mud. I grunted as I hit the ground. Immediately I paled as I heard the voice of the one I just collided with.

"Matthew. Are you alright?" I looked up to meet the gaze of a violet eyed blonde. Tall. An eerie childish expression on his face. Just as always. I just stared up for a moment before I stammered out a reply.

"I-Ivan.. I.. I'm fine."

"Help up, da?" He asked. I reluctantly held out my hand and took his extended one. Almost immediately I was hoisted rapidly to my feet. Being suddenly pulled close into a hug. I tensed up. Why was he hugging me so close? A blush started to burn in my cheeks. Awkward. Soon I felt a large hand patting at my back. Brushing the mud off. The hand moved down south and continued to brush the mud away as best as he could. I was grateful for that, but I would have preferred it if he had kept his hands off of my ass. I wanted to push away from him, but I was frozen. I couldn't react. Fortunately he finished and let me go.

Immediately I stumbled back a little and looked at the bags. I quickly lifted them to my shoulders. shuffling them a little.

"Are you okay Matthew?"

"Y-yes.." I squeaked. Clearing my throat. "Yes, I-I'm fine. I... I need to get home. I'm late..." Ivan didn't seem to believe that. He made to move closer.

"I can walk you home if you want, da?"

"No! Uh.." Too jumpy! I shouldn't have said it so urgently. "No thank you Ivan, you.. you already have done so much for me.. I should just... go-oh! My Dad is calling. I have to go." I just left. I just walked away, nearly breaking into a run when he was far enough away. I didn't look back, I shouldn't look back. I couldn't, but I did. He was gone. Oddly enough, I felt a little bad about it, but he was creepy. He invaded my space. Far too much of my space. I don't want that. I didn't want that. But why was I blushing so badly?

I just needed to get home. I needed to get to my school work. Of all days, why did Alfred have to ditch me today? I was determined to prove Alfred had something to do with this. I just didn't want to admit that Ivan might not really be joking. I wanted this to be a joke.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

Thanks everyone for helping me with the French in the first chapter. ^.^ Chances are i'll need help again in the future. . I'm so pumped about this. ^.^

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I came into the house, kicking off my shoes as the key once more was dropped into the bowl. No cars in the driveway this time. I assumed my parents were out. Better then them being in. Atleast this way I could avoid Papa. I took the school bags up the stairs and into the bathroom. I needed to clean them up a bit and try to distract my mind from what had happened just moments ago.

Stepping into the bathroom, I dropped the muddied bags into the bathtub with a loud thud and grabbed a cloth. Wetting the material in the sink, I turned to the school bags and began to clean off both my own and Alfred's. Alfred.

"Stupid, ignorant Alfred. This is his fault. If he hadn't left me for his friends... " I stopped and sighed. No, this wasn't his fault. This was just a random string of events. A spur I was almost certain would pass, the question was, just how long would that be? Grumbling a little as I finished cleaning the bags, I took it upon myself to deliever Alfred's to his room so he could pretend he cared about school.

Once I had finished dropping off his bag, I set mine by my door in the hallway. I needed a bath. Planning on simply picking the bag up and carrying it into my room when I was done, I left it there and headed to the bathroom once more.

Running the tap hot. I gave the bath a good rinse out to get the mudd off the bottom of the tub before I actually pulled up the stopper and began to fill it. Closing the door behind me and locking it, I began to strip myself of the filthy clothing. Jacket, shirt, socks, pants and boxers. Balling it all up I threw it into the hamper before slipping into the hot bath and turning off the tap. Settling into the steaming water. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Enjoying the peace and quiet that seemed to be complete. It wasn't too often that I got the house to myself. Not that I minded, it was just nice to be alone. Not to have to worry about hearing my parents going at it, be it yelling or other activities. Not to have to worry about listening to Alfred or trying to keep the idiot out of my room.

I opened my eyes again and stared up at the white ceiling. Looking along the pale walls and tile. My mind wandered back to Ivan. Was it really as strange as I was making it out to be? I really was honesty afraid of the guy. I think. It wasn't like he had ever done anything to anyone, he was just really creepy. Popping up when it was least expected. Quiet and towering just a mere few centimeters away. I had seen it happen to others. It happened to everyone. He was impossible to hear coming. I was in awe how someone so big could go by so unnoticed.

I was smaller with a twin. That was my excuse for being invisible. But Ivan stuck out like a sore thumb. It really blew my mind. So, if I had more reasons to be invisible then him, and he had taken notice, it still burned deep. Why? Thats all I wanted to know.

"What makes me so damn special? Why couldn't he just pick on Alfred?"

As if the soap on a rope was going to help me and magically answer my questions.

- - - - - - - - -

"Matthew, I'm coming in."

"No! Forget it!"

"Aw, come on Mattie."

"No! I'm not going! I'm not! Who knows what could happen?" Alfred had run into Ivan on the way back from Ludwig's. I did not like what I heard after that. Alfred had told me that Ivan the Terrible had wanted to ask me to tutor him after dinner. Being the fool my brother was, most likely wanting to watch me squirm, he had said on my behalf that I would.

"Mattie, " He was laughing. Opening the door and stepping in. I grabbed my pillow and pitched it at him. Lucky jerk managed to avoid it. "Mattie stop. Come on.. its just Ivan. Besides, he does have parents you know. I don't think he is going to propose just yet."

"Stop joking about it! I didn't even say I would go, you just told him! What's his number? I'll just call him and say I'm sick or something." I reached for my cell phone and flipped it open. I was sure his number would be in the online phonebook.

"Look, Matthew I'm sorry. But come on! This is amazing! You can get inside his house and-"

"Alfred." I suddenly had an idea why this was happening. "You just want to know where he lives don't you?" I knew perfectly well that Alfred and a few of his friends liked to pass notes and crack insulting jokes about the Russian, if this was going to turn into what I figured it would, I would definately not be going. Ivan was a creep, but creep or no creep, no one deserved to have their house attacked.

I watched the expression on Alfred's face and immediately I knew I was right. He frowned a little and sighed.

"Fine, you can call him then, or don't. I was only trying to help."

"Help?! Alfred, egging someone's house isn't helping! If you are trying to help me, I advise you don't throw me into his house. I don't care how much family he has and if they are home or not." I continued to watch him for a moment longer. Alfred nodded and slowly turned around and left, closing the door behind him. "Finally.." But no sooner had I said it, the door swung open again.

"Alright! But I'm not giving up! I'm the one who has to save you from him. If he touches you I'll just beat him up."

"ALFRED!"

"Okay, fine I'm going!" He turned and left once more.

But to prevent a repeat, I launched myself off the bed and immediately went to the door. Locking it tightly before I returned to the bed. Laying down in a huff, I decided to forgo changing into my pajamas. I just hit the light by my bed and set the phone down. Removing my glasses, I rolled over and hugged my bear tightly.

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Okay, sorry this one was shorter then the previous two. I wasn't 100% sure what I wanted with this chapter . But I definately want to make chapter 4 longer with more to it. More one on one time between Ivan and Mattie. ^.^

I am going to be a little more then busy over the next five days because of classes I am going to be taking, so I may or may not have the oomph or time to write anything more. But I promise I will update as soon as possible. ^.^

Whats scary about Ivan is, I used to go to school with a person like him. It... was... really.. really... scary. and this person was always hanging out around me, and everyone did the avoidance. I can't count the times I had to duck and hide in the bathrooms to escape. *shivers* *hides*


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

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_"No!" I screamed, running in a blinded panic as the fear in my being grew and grew. I could hear him. He was coming, he was following. The constant and equally spaced thuds nearing. Pace picking up and the sound growing louder as the giant gained on me. I continued to sprint through the park. My chest rising and falling rapidly as I panted. My eyes wide in terror. My house! Just a few more steps and I would be inside and safe. Protected by the solid walls of the old home. _

_"AH!" Crying out as I landed face first into the gravel drive. Looking back, I saw something that brought up a boiling rage inside of me. "MAPLE!" Alfred's bag. His stupid bag! He never carried it into the house, he always made me take it. But I couldn't have taken it, I was too concerned with running. Where was my bag? None of it mattered because as soon as I made an attempt to get up, I found large arms wrapping around me and..._

"NO!" I flailed around in my bed, tossing the sheets as my alarm went off. Rolling off my bed, I fell hard, banging my head against the nightstand, I landed on the ground with a loud grunt and a painful stinging in no only my head, but my ass. I shifted a little from the jumbled tangle of blankets and sheets to take a look and assess the damage. I untangled myself and stood straight, sort of. Moving a hand to my head, I pressed my fingers against my scalp where my head kissed the nightstand, pulling my hand away I examined the red glistening substance. Warm. "Maple.. "

So that explained why my head felt weird, but what bit my ass when I fell? I looked to the floor by my bed and immediately my heart fell. I bent down and picked up what was left of my glasses. I must have had knocked them off in the fall and then landed on them. they were in three pieces and the lenses were shattered. Decidedly, I picked up all the pieces and set them on my desk.

I turned back to the mess, the nightmare completely leaving my mind, but a new nightmare was now opening my door and looking inside my room.

"Jesus Mattie, its like, eleven in the morning..." I turned once more to look back at my door and saw a very groggy and pissed off looking Alfred.

"I feel out of bed genious, I didn't intentionally mean to wake you." I grumbled as my tired eyes looked to the broken wire and glass that were my glasses.

"Oh shit, Mattie, your glasses. What happened?" Why was he so thick headed?

"I already told you, I fell out of bed. I cracked my head on the nightstand and I must have knocked them off. I landed on them... Now they are broken."

"That sucks." Like he cared. He probably did, but right now, it just didn't seem like it. Watching him begin to close the door, I approached the fuzzy figure and grabbed the door.

"Al? Is today dad's day off?"

"It should be. He has been working on a straight two week pull. I should assume it is. Why?"

"No reason. I just want to tell him about my glasses." Well, I would rather have talked to dad then Papa, but I wasn't going to tell Alfred that. Atleast with Dad, I knew I wasn't going to be poked about the letters from Ivan.

**- - - - - - - - -**

Maybe it was best. My head felt better, in its own way alteast. After talking with Dad about my glasses, he took me to the hospital. The bleeding from the bump on my head had increased. Turned out in the end that I needed a couple of stitches. I then picked up a new pair of glasses afterwards. Officially I decided I needed to move my nightstand further away so this wouldn't happen again.

Once all that was out of the way and we had gotten back to the house, I stepped out of the car onto the gravel drive. Immediately a flash hit me. My dream! The cause of the morning chaos. I gave a shudder before I pulled out one of the bags of groceries out of the back seat. Normally Papa would have done the shopping, but I think he and Dad had another fight, so this was probably why Dad decided he needed to fill the house with potential posion to eat. I felt bad for him. Honestly, his cooking wasn't all that bad. I ate it more then once and I was still alive. I did prefer Papa's cooking, but not all of Dad's cooking was horrible.

As we headed into the house and set everything down in the kitchen, I noticed a bag was missing.

"Dad..."

"Hmm?" He was busy putting things away.

"Where are the eggs and milk?"

"What?"

"The milk and eggs, did you carry the bag out? I didn't." There was a moment when we both paused and looked at eachother in realization and groaned.

"We must have left it-"

"I'll get it Dad, don't worry." Already I was heading to the door.

"Are you sure lad? I can drive-"

"No, I got it. I need the exercise." I tossed a wave back and left the house, closing the door behind me, I headed off towards the store. Sure, it was nearly eight blocks away, but that wasn't really all that far. Besides, I needed to clear my head and think. I couldn't do that in the house. Alfred was there. No to mention when Papa got back from the spa, he would probably be riding me about letters again.

- - - - - - - - -

Quiet and uneventful. I could have sworn this was my normal life again. I passed by a large group of others, I knew their faces and names; Kiku, Ludwig, Gilbert, the Italian kid Feli. He was nice, I liked Feli. Yao was there too. I was fine with them just being around, but were they all really so blind?

"Hey! Alfred! Great party last night!" I painted on a smile and just waved. _How dumb are you? Like Alfred would ever carry groceries from the store home. _

"We should hook up again tonight!"

"Mhmm, sure!" I said. I didn't even have to put on an act, they just accepted it. They accepted and I smirked. I knew Alfred had a date tonight. This was my own little revenge. Sure, I was the quiet and invisible twin, but I could be nasty in my on ways.

Once their laughter and calls disappeared, I turned around the fifth block. Three more until I'm home. But I hear a voice behind me that causes me to choke and freeze. Turning slowly I found myself staring at a chest. Having to turn my gaze up, I'm looking at Ivan's childlike smiling face. Fear.

"That wasn't very nice Matthew."

"W-what?" I swallowed hard.

"Pretending you were your brother. Just because you look like him doesn't mean you should take advantage of that." I just stared at him blankly for a moment before I opened my mouth.

"He did the same to me! It was fair" The Russian just laughed at me.

"Da, he did." The monster reached out and ruffled my hair and then pulled me into a hug. "I missed you little Matthew! I haven't seen you in a while. Come with me! I have something exciting to show you!" I felt the arms around me tighten and begin to haul me off. I squirmed in his arms and attempted to talk myself out of this.

"Oh! I uh, actually I'm... I have to get these things home, my Dad is waiting for me, and he is expecting me ho-"

"Don't worry Matthew! This won't take long!" Cheerful as ever. I swallowed again as I went a little rigid. I didn't want to cause a scene, but I wanted to get away. Maybe I could relax and just go for a little while then when or if he lets his guard down, maybe then I could start up again and pull away.

No avail. This was a dumb plan. I only tried it once. Ivan had a firmer grip then I had anticipated.

"You are so anxious!" The creep was actually sounding excited about that fact.

"I uh, I just really need to hurry home. My Dad will tan my hide if... if I'm not-"

"Here we are! You like, da?"

I stopped in my tracks. We were at Ivan's house. He had led me around the back of his house and towards the garden. Sunflowers? Wow! That was a hell of a lot of sunflowers!

"Wow! Ivan, did you do this?" I asked in honest astoundment.

"Da, I did. I tend to this garden every day."

"You have a very green thumb." I really was impressed by this. I had never picked him out for the kind of guy who would plant and keep a garden. This was partly the reason why I forgot myself and who I was with for a moment. Then I remembered. I was with Ivan and my admiration soon faded and was placed in the back of my mind. I looked at him.

"Is this what you wanted to show me?" _'cause if so I want to go now._ Although, I would never say that outloud.

"Da, oh, and one more thing. Come with me." I felt a grip on my wrist as I was soon being pulled into his house. Panic, fear, confusion. You name it. I was feeling it. When we went inside, I was led through the kitchen and into the living room. His large hands pushed me down into the couch. I couldn't help the fluttering feeling. A strange feeling I was unsure of. Told to wait, I sat here and waited quietly as he left. Where was he going? Now was my chance to escape. I got up from the couch, but soon I was distracted by all the decorations of his house. The dancing bear ornaments. Beautifully hand painted and sculpted pieces that were placed here and there. The arragenments and ranges of books and other decorations, it was candy to look at. _I had no idea his home was so beautiful. _

The paintings on the walls. Stunning moments in winter caught and held in the oils of paint for eternity. As I let myself become enthralled in the work surrounding me, I failed to notice the giant creeping up behind me. I only noticed he was there when I backed into him. Leaping nearly twenty feet in the air as I spun around. I nearly dropped the milk and the eggs I was carrying. Ivan laughed a little and smiled.

"I didn't mean to scare you Matthew."

"Oh, uh, no its okay. I.. I just.. " Fail. I can't make up excuses for my fears. I watched Ivan pull something out from behind his back. A large something. A covered square. It was wrapped up. The thing was about two feet across in length and about two feet in height. Only an inch or so thick. A picture? Maybe, but of what? In any case, I ended up with it in my hands.

"Your father is waiting da? Just don't open that until you get home."

"Uh, okay. Thank you Ivan." My cheeks turning a slight shade of pink as I feel his hand resting on the small of my back, guiding me to the door and seeing me off.

As soon as I could, as soon as I was out of his sights, I began to run. I ran hard and as fast as I could with full arms and a bag of eggs. I didn't stop until I reached home. But it hadn't taken long to get home at all. That was scary. Did Ivan really live so close? I headed inside as Alfred was leaving. I pushed by him and set the bags on the ground floor.

"I got the milk and eggs dad!" I shouted quickly before I took off up the stairs.

"Hey Mattie! What are you carrying?!" I didn't answer my brother. I slammed my door shut and locked it. Turning on the lights, I tore away the paper encasing the mystery. Holding it up, my jaw hit the floor and my face turned hot and bright red in embarrassment.

"... Maple... " I uttered meekly.

* * *

Okay, sorry it took so long to write this update. But hell. That was an insane week. *phew* I'm glad its done, but hey! I'm now a certified teacher! *beams* Of course, its teaching english as a second language. But still. XD YAY! I'm so tired though. Holy gods.

But ya. Thanks for all the reviews and stuff. ^^ I love feedback. positive, negative. All of it. it all helps. I hope this is a little more in a favourable direction. XDD I am such a freaking newbie at this. XDD

I'll try and get in another Update before Christmas. Promise! ^^


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

* * *

I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. In my hands was a portrait. Well, if it could be called a portrait. A picture, an image. Call it what you want, all I know was that it made my face grow hot and turn bright red. My ears burning in embarrassment as my eyes looked over what I held.

I was both horrified and transfixed by the image that was painted with obvious skill and, oh god, such attention to detail. It scared me.

There I was on the canvas, naked as the day I was born. Held close to Ivan's nude form. Our limbs tangled and wrapped around one another. I was pulled close to his chest. my left arm draped around Ivan's neck and shoulders while my right hand and my head rested on Ivan's chest. My hair was tussled just slightly and sweat was beaded along my forehead and glistened. Shimmering over my slim body aswell.

My cheeks turned dark red as my eyes moved over the image.

Ivan carried a similar look to his figure. A muscular body, rippling and relaxed. He looked so strong. Looking down to meet my eyes as I gazed back up at him in lustful adoration.

Looking at this, I knew I had to hide it. There was no way I could keep it. I had to throw it out. No! If I did that, oh god! is he!? I looked closer to the image. I was straddling Ivan's lap and...

I shuddered. Immediately I put the painting down on my bed, image turned down. Tears stinging my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. Why was this happening to me!? I never was paid attention to. I wasn't anything special or awesome. I wasn't my brother. I wasn't anyone else, I was me. Matthew. Nothing and no one else.

Wiping the tears away with a shaking hand, I tried to force myself to calm down. Ivan was a terrifying person. I was scared of him, I didn't want this. I was sure I could just talk to him and thank him, but tell him I'm not interested. He was reasonable, right? I'm sure. I could clear this up. I should have done that the moment I got the letters in my locker at school, but I guess I wasn't thinking. I would have to tell him.

"Mon petit Mathieu?" _SHIT!_

"Uh.. " I quickly try to regain my composure and grab the picture, stashing it in my closet and closing the doors. "Yes? Ya?"

"Time to eat. Dépèche toi, before it gets cold."

"Oh, uh, okay." I moved to the door and unlocked it, smiling at him before I stepped out and closed the door behind me. Judging from the look I was being given, the blush on my face must not have faded, or I looked really flustered still.

"Vous allez bien Mathieu?"

"Oui Papa. I'm fine." I said, forcing another smile before I left him there and headed down the

stairs to the kitchen.

- - - - - - - - -

The weekend had passed all too quickly. I had thought about seriously pulling an Alfred and staying home with a faux flu, but I was a bad liar. There was no way, and I really would have felt horrible. I just wanted to avoid Ivan at all costs. This was going to be the start of a week of hell. I just knew it.

One thing did strike me as odd though, apart from the rest of the chaos that currently surrounded me. Alfred all of a sudden became really... clingy? No, clingy isn't the word, more like suffocating. He was killing me. I mean, it was nice that he wanted to be around me, but all weekend he was striving to stay close to me. Making sure I wasn't alone unless I was inside the house, but even there, he just shadowed me. To say the least, I was a little pissed. But this was the walk to school, and I had to admit I really enjoyed his loud, egotistical, and obnoxious presence.

The walk to school was uneventful. I felt nearly deaf by the end of the trip though. I wish Al knew he didn't have to shout and rant when we were nearly two feet away from one another. Oh well. First class was fine. English Lit with Mr. Chernokal. Next I had Biology. This was horrible. This was a class I had with Ivan, and Alfred always had gym class.

I stood at my counter and looked to the dead croaker on the tray. Dissection. Frogs. Well, it was better then other things I could have been doing, but my lab partner was Ivan. I couldn't concentrate and my face was burning. Raising the blade to make an incision, my hand was shaking. I was so nervous, not about the cutting, but that the Russian was so close to me. I could feel his breath on my neck and it made me shudder in discomfort. Soon though, my hand was steadied as he took it and helped me to cut. I swallowed hard and started to sweat.

"Like this, da?"

"W-what? Oh, oh.. y-ya." I was top in the class, and I had been paired with Ivan to help him.

"Matthew, are you feeling okay? You are trembling." I wish he had used another word other then 'trembling'.

"Y-ya I'm okay... I'm ju-"

"I love you Matthew." _Thump thump. Thump thump. _My heart beat was all that I could hear. I dropped the blade and pulled my hand away from Ivan as fast as I could. Suddenly feeling faint, I felt my knees grow weak and give out from under me. I fell hard and fast and passed out before I even hit the ground.

* * *

Okay, WOW that was really really short. I'm sorry. u.u I'll try and make the next one longer. I hope you enjoyed the little gift that Ivan gave him in the beginning. I did. XDD.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

* * *

A slow and barely audible groan passed through my dry lips. I felt dizzy. Trying to remember what happened by taking a few moments to recollect my thoughts before I opened my eyes. The last thing I could scrape to my memory was biology class. I had had a scalple in my hand and I was doing the assignment. I was helping out, Alfred? No. It was... Ivan. So what happened? I opened my eyes slowly and rubbed them.

With blurry vision, I looked around me. Able to take in where I was, I was in the nurse's office on the bed. Okay, that much was settled. Pushing myself up, I put a hand to my head, and very slowly brought myself so I was sitting. I began looking around for my glasses. Searching around on the table near me, I heard a throat clear. Turning my blue and confused eyes towards the noise, I found my glasses being held out for me.

"... Thank you." I took them with careful fingers and slipped them on. More then happy that I hadn't broken another pair. Dad would not have been very impressed with me if I had.

"You're welcome Matthew." I froze. That voice, turning back to the one who handed me the glasses, I swallowed. Ivan. He was sitting in such silence. Looming over me even when he was sitting down. A creepy childish grin on his face. He looked to innocent, but from the letters and the painting I had been given, he didn't seem so innocent, and it made the creepy factor even worse. Turning this into a straight state of terror.

"I-Ivan?"

"You fainted Matthew. I told the teacher that you couldn't handle the dissection." He appeared to pause. "I won't tell anyone the real reason you fainted." He smiled. As if that was supposed to make me feel any better.

"Uh, thank you Ivan... but.. but I-"

"I do love you Matthew."

"I-Ivan please.. I... I-I'm greatly flattered.. but.. " This was it, I had to tell him now, this was all far too fast. Maybe if it had been slow. One letter at a time, a painting as something if we had been already an item. Professing love to one another when it wasn't one-sided. Maybe if he hadn't been so... enthusiastic about it. "Ivan I do-"

_"Could Ivan Braginski please come to the office please? Ivan Braginski to the office."_

"I'm sorry Matthew, we are going to have to continue this talk later." I was about to protest and tell him now, that the office could wait. But before I could open my mouth to say anything, I felt a hand in my hair, gripping and playing with the blonde locks as I felt a pair of lips on mine.

My eyes went as wide as saucers and my cheeks went bright red in blush. My ears started burning and my heart rate increased. I was too shocked, too stunned to do anything about it. I felt his lips caressing mine carefully and... lovingly, but I couldn't return it. I couldn't react. I couldn't move or twitch a single muscle in my body to either encourage or protest the actions. I did not want this, I wanted to panic and call for help. To get him off of me, but finally our lips parted and his hand left my hair. Finally he left me.

I remained sitting on the bed with my fingers lifting to my lips and touching them. I felt sick. I had really hoped this could be easily dealt with. Just a matter of telling him to either back off completely or just to slow down to a near snails pace. I had been leaning towards telling him to back right off and pick on Toris, I had originally believed that they would form come kind of relationship. But no. It was me.

I didn't know what to do. At a complete loss of what to think. I heard footsteps nearing. In reaction, I lay down quickly on the bed and pull the sheet over my head. Turning over to my side, I shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. But the very recent and previous development in Ivan's apparent obsession with me had left me rattled and scared. I felt the sting in my eyes and my body shook involuntarily.

The footsteps neared and got closer. Coming in through the door, they sounded almost rushed.

"Mattie?!"

That voice, I spun around in my place on the bed and looked over my shoulder.

"Mattie! I heard about what happened in Biology.. " Alfred. Thank god it was Alfred. He grabbed one of the chairs and spun it around, pulling it up to the bed and sitting on it backwards, resting his arms over the back of the chair as he looked at me with wide eyes.

"Alfred.. I'm okay, I just-"

"Fainted! My brother the wimp, he faints. But I guess thats why you are just a sidekick. Not capable enough to be the hero."

"No, Alfred.. thats not it."

"Then what is it? Okay, I admit, you are weak, but you have never actually fainted before. What happened?" Too bad, if only he would shut his mouth for a moment, maybe he would have known by now. "Hey Mattie, why are your eyes all red? Were you crying?"

I immediately turned and faced away from him.

"No! I... I was just shocked. Okay?"

"... What happened?"

"It was Ivan. Okay? I was his lab partner in bio. I was helping him and he... he said he loved me, I think thats when I... "

"Fainted." His voice was thick with rage. I was actually quite surprised.

"... Y-yes. Then when I woke up here, he... "

Alfred suddenly was very stiff in his chair, his eyes had grown cold and he looked like someone had just driven over his bomber jacket. Which, by the way, would have been a very heavy no no.

"What did he do to you Mattie?"

"... He kissed me."

Never had I seen him this way. He was out of his chair and the chair was on the other side of the room and tipped over.

"GOD DAMNIT! I'm going to kill him if he so much as fucking looks at you again!" My eyes widened. It felt kind of nice to have someone this protective over me about this, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for Ivan a little. I knew how riled my brother could get. "Get up. We are going home."

"But, there is still two hours of school left.. I'll miss my classes."

"Who cares! If you get in trouble, just blame it on me. That will easily buy you a get free from jail card."

As soon as he said it, I was being helped from the bed in the nurse's office and helped out into the hall. A hall monitor had come up to us, and Alfred ended up just cussing the poor kid out for being an annoying dweeb. I ended up apologising to the kid on my brother's behalf as Al busied himself with grabing my bag from my locker.

Eventually, Al dragged me out of the school and we headed home. His hand tightly gripping my wrist as he pulled me along down the street and into the park. A few times I tugged free and argued that I was old enough to walk by myself, but then he would make a comment about Ivan's greedy lips finding me if he didn't keep a close watch. So I just gave in.

**- - - - - - - - -**

"AH! Mon petit Mathieu! You are growing up, oui?" Papa was in an oddly extatic mood. There was also something in his hands as Alfred and I walked in. He was positioning something on the wall. "What do you think? Should we hang it here? This is so wonderful Mathieu! It is LOVE! Oui! Love is in the air! Oh Mathieu! My sweet Mathieu!" I soon found arms wrapped around me as Papa hummed a lovey dovey tune to a song I heard far too often.

"ngh.. papa.. you.. you are suffocating me.." He really was, but why was he acting like this?

"WHAT IS THAT!? What the hell is that!?" I heard Alfred's outburst, but I mean, how was it possible that I couldn't? I forced myself to peer over Papa's shoulder and immediately I paled once more. How many times had I done this today?

"PAPA! What did you do?! WHY IS THAT OUT HERE?!" I shouted in horror. Suddenly I felt as if I might faint once more. I just felt like dying.

"But Mathieu! Your love must be announced and declared! It must be known, and such beautiful artwork should be on display! Look at that!" Papa grabbed me by my shoulders, hugging me in close and turning me to see the painting I had recieved from Ivan a few days ago. He did the same to my seething brother. His face was beet red in fury and rage whereas my own was red in deep embarrassment.

"When did he give this to you!?" Alfred said, sounding as if he was on a rampage for death, and he was targetting the Russian. He stared at the painting in loathing. I could see the daggers and the want to rip Ivan to pieces. I admit, I was upset about the painting. I didn't want it. I never did, but I mean, Alfred seemed to be over reacting a little.

"I don't know! I couple of days ago I guess- Papa! You went in my ROOM! You went in without permission and-"

"Mon petit Mathieu, I don't need your permission, I'm your papa." He said with a smug and happy expression.

"Papa! please! That is my room, its my privacy! You invaded it!"

"It looks like your erm. *clears throat* Privacy has already been invaded." Papa then pointed to the painting. I blushed furiously and pushed away.

"Stop making this into a joke! Its not funny! I swear, I never touched him! Nothing has happened!"

"Nothing better have happened, if so... I'll cut off the bastard's co-"

"Alfred!" Papa shouted.

"Sorry Pops. But this isn't right? Did you know he forcfully kissed Mattie? He held him down and forced his disgusting mouth onto my little brother!?" Papa's eyes widened as he looked at me.

"Mathieu... is this right?"

"NO! This isn't... Thats not. Its not what happened! Stop! Just stop it!" I couldn't help it anymore. "Both of you! Papa! I want that picture taken down! please! I don't want to see it!"

"But what about these?" He asked, holding out... MY LETTERS! "They are very sweet. Oh, its LOVE! LOVE! Mathieu! Its love! It cannot be denied, he loves you deeply. The care he put into these letters only proves it. The painting, is this why you have been hiding? Have you been-"

" PAPA! STOP! You need to go and calm down! This isn't love! its an obsession.. I.. I can't." I couldn't take it anymore. Immediately my eyes began to water. I ran, pushing away from Papa, pulling out of Alfred's grip as he attempted to hold me back. I went up the stairs as fast as I could and slammed my bedroom door as hard as I could. Locking it behind me, I grabbed my bear Kuma and hugged him close. Immediately I buried my face into my pillow and began to stifle my sobs. My body shook as I continued to listen to my brother and Papa argue back and forth about the matter and which direction the importance swung.

"You made him cry! Papa, you may be able to cook, but thats about it! This isn't healthy love! its obsession!"

"Oui! But love it love! Ivan must truly love Mathieu, he is so driven, this is true love!"

"You wait until Dad gets home! I'm telling him about this! Do as Mattie says and remove the picture NOW!"

There was a moment of silence before I could hear Papa start up again.

".. Fine! But Arthur will agree with me."

"No, I seriously doubt that."

After that, everything fell silent, and all I could do was cry. I couldn't handle this. The letters, the painting, the _I love you_. The kiss. That kiss, then coming home to see what my Papa had been up to while I was in school. No, I couldn't leave my room. I just couldn't. Something bad was going to happen. I knew it. I could feel it.

**- - - - - - - - -**

I could hear them all having a go at eachother downstairs. The walls in this house were thin, so I coudn't escape for good. How long I spent my time in my room for, I don't know. I wasn't keeping track. But Dad always got home just in time for supper, but they had all been shouting since, pretty much the moment Dad came home.

The aruging continued on for what felt like forever. I had stopped crying hours ago, but my eyes were now red and puffy. My hair a mess and I was wearing my favourite pajamas. Red pants with white maple leaves on them, with a shirt of my favourite hockey team. Why this was my favourite night attire, I'll never know.

Things went quiet for a while. A long while and I had assumed they had decided on what to do. About me, and about Ivan. I knew Alfred wanted his blood, and Papa seemed to want me to marry the Russian. I shuddered at that thought, but then my mind remained frozen on Ivan.

I needed to get out of the house. I needed out now. They had started up again. No, I was done with this. Getting out of bed, I pulled my slippers on over my feet and moved to my window. Slowly I opened it. Doing it as quietly as I could. Once the pane was lifted, I slipped out side and got down low. Carefully edging myself along the roof, I avoided all windows before I lay down and slipped myself off the edge of the roof.

I dangled in the air for a moment. Too scared to drop, but my arms were getting tired, so I just took a breath and let go, landing hard on my ass.

"mph!" I grunted as I landed. My glasses slid down my nose and I pushed them back into place. Slowly, I began to creep along the side of the house until I made it to the edge of the yard. Once there, I walked up the street. Where I was going, I didn't know. I just knew that I needed to get away from the house. It was my problem, and yet Dad, Papa, and my brother all seemed to be trying to make themselves become involved.

I had hid everything from them for a reason. I knew this was going to happen. I knew things would turn out bad. Nothing even happened. Okay, so Ivan patted my ass that one day. Big deal, he was trying to brush the mudd off of me. So what if he had the painting made. It was a little more then embarrassing to see myself naked in another's arms, especially his, but it was a... nice painting. Well done atleast. Okay, Ivan was very pushy and he was very extreme, but he hadn't exactly hurt me ever. He just kissed me. He kissed me and it wasn't even really forceful, I just didn't do anything to make him stop or keep going. I just took it.

"Ugh! Why is this so hard?!" I asked the darkness. Kicking the ground with my slippered foot. I stopped. "Oh for God's sake! I'm still in my pajamas." Not to mention kumajiro was still in my arms. I sighed. Great, so now I looked like a sobbing two year old. Correction, I wasn't sobbing, but I looked like I had been, which was a truth. I just looked a mess.

"Aren't you cold?"

I spun around and looked to see who had addressed me and I immediately wished I hadn't come out. I didn't know what to do as a jacket was draped over my shoulders. I merely reached up with my free hand and gripped it.

"Um.. Th-thank you." I said quietly to Ivan. How was it that he always just appeared like that?

"You have been crying, da?"

"What?"

"Your eyes are red and glassy."

"Oh." I wiped my eyes again and looked at him, nodding slowly. No point in lying about such a thing. I couldn't understand why, but right now, I didn't mind being with Ivan. Though, that creepy air still hovered and followed him.

"Whats wrong?" He asked, holding a bag of what looked like groceries in one hand, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and walking with me. Nervous? Oh, I was defiantely nervous.

"Nothing, I just.. my brother and parents are fighting and yelling at eachother... "

"About what?"

"... you."

There was a long moment of silence and Ivan had continued to look ahead. His gaze seemed fixed on something in the distance. But that smile, it was actually gone?!

"Is this because of my tokens to you?"

"Well... y-ya.. sorta. My.. my papa thinks its sweet and Alfred wants you dead.. I'm not sure what my dad thinks.. but they are all fighting. I just needed to get out."

"Come with me Matthew. I'll make you some hot chocolate da?" That innocent smile returning to his face. An innocent smile that was betraying. I was almost certain of it. I had protested and said that it was really alright. That I didn't want to, and couldn't impose, but Ivan continued to insist. Claiming that I wouldn't be a bother to anyone since his parents and sisters were gone for a couple of days. This knowledge didn't exactly help to make me feel any better.

"No, Ivan.. I couldn't.. I mean, I'm in my pajamas and.. I have my bear with me. Slippers to- I should just go home, I'm sure they have stopped fighting by now."

"No, its okay Matthew. Besides, I'm a little lonely and we have too much hot chocolate at my house. Come inside." Did I really have a choice? I was soon being pulled inside by my half captor.

* * *

I hope everyone had an AWESOME christmas! if you celebrate it, if not, then I hope your holidays (whichever you may celebrate) ROCKED! I... mastered chopsticks in one hour. I'm so proud. Okay, i still suck, but I mean, I ATE JELLO WITH CHOPSTICKS! :D *is smug* XDD

I hope this chapter was long enough. I am fighting with myself on liking it or not. I'm on the fence. I don't think Ivan was creepy enough I need to change this. XD and YES. I know. Okay, to me, I see Francis and Arthur and Alfred and Mattie and Ivan all very... unlike them. But thats probably just me, if not.. I'm trying hard. I am. I'm just bad at it. XDD DON'T THROW STONES AT ME PLEASE! *hides and laughs*

fail. Okay. I'll try and update as soon as possible. ^^


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

* * *

Atleast the couch was comfortable. But I appeared to be in a different room. Now I was curious, how big was Ivan's house? It seemed as if it would be more then easy to get lost in its many halls and rooms. Large rooms. Huge! I never have been in a house as big as his apart from, well, the first time I was taken here against my true will. But I was here now. Here in my pajamas, my slippers and hugging my bear.

Shameful. Simply shameful. I'm glad I didn't have a reputation other then my brother's brother. Or being called Alfred. Okay, so maybe I did share a reputation with my brother, but it was soley because everyone thought I was him. As far as I was concered, Matthew didn't exsist in anyone's eyes. Apart from Ivan. I shuddered at that thought.

He had left me completely alone on his couch, having wrapped a blanket around my shoulders first before starting his mission to bring hot chocolate. I took the time to snuggle into the very warm and plush blanket. Ivan wasn't killing me yet, so this was quite possibly the best thing there was right now. The best thing I had going.

I also didn't have to lay awake and listen to my brother scream profanities about Ivan and everything that was going on. Claiming that he needed to protect me and whatever else his little complex forced him to believe. I didn't have to listen to my Papa spout out poetry and love songs, not to mention quotes from my letters that he no doubt memorized. I didn't even have to listen to my Dad lose it over the situation and hitting the others. I knew that was bound to happen and then a few racial slurs would have been tossed around like it was nothing to anyone. More fighting.

"Ugh.. " I uttered, placing a hand to my forehead, almost giving myself a headache by just imagining what they were doing at home. Normally this is the kind of thing that would happen to Alfred, and I would never be involved at all. I would just put on my headphones and drown it out, but that hadn't helped at all this time. How could it have? Alfred was too loud and I could hear him over my music.

Soon I was brought back to my current situation. Sitting in Ivan's home, with just Ivan. Completely alone. Scary? Definately. I didn't want to be here, but at the same time, it was a nice escape. I couldn't remember the last time I...

"Hot chocolate."

"What?" I jumped a little as a steaming mug was held out infront of me. How in the hell did he do that!? Creepy giant. "Oh... um. Thanks Ivan." I said quietly, taking the offered treat in my hands, letting the heat move through the mug and into my palms. Almost too hot, but close enough to being perfect. Lifting it to my lips, I slowly blew on the steaming liquid for a few moments before I began to drink.

All the while I was doing this, I couldn't help but notice out from the corner of my eye, that Ivan was watching me. A near shudder, the man beside me was practically oozing creepy. But when I took the chance to glance over and confirm this front on, he was looking at a painting on the wall and drinking his own. Lucky for him I didn't feel like pressing it. Or would that be for my own luck?

"Good, da?"

"Mhm.. It is very good. Thank you Ivan.." I replied quietly. It had tasted a little funny, but I figured he was just using a brand I wasn't too fond of. The compliment in itself seemed to have lit his mood up dramatically. Smiling more then usual. I finished my drink and set down the mug on the table infront of us, and I hugged Kumajiro tightly to my chest.

"You know Matthew," he began, "I'm sorry if I made you feel a little uncomfortable." A little!? A little! Oh, if only he knew just _how_ uncomfortable I had been. Just how uncomfortable I was. But atleast he was apologizing for it.

".... well, you were a little um... bold."

"I don't know any other way to react." I was lucky I was done my drink, or it would have been sprayed everywhere.

"What?! Well, for a start, you could take your time. Its not like anyone notices me enough to actually care."

"I noticed, I ca-"

"I know Ivan, can we please change the subject please?"

"Da, but why?" I wanted to hit him, but I could and would never do that. I don't think. It would be mean and I would feel bad.

"Because it makes me exceedingly uncomfortable. Thats why." Safe to say that. My ears were burning. Okay, so maybe I was being a bit of a jerk for once, but this is Ivan the Terrible we are talking about! He is just... so creepy. Now,

Now, why he was looking at me like that, I will never know. I hoped never to find out.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked, quickly wiping my face with my arm before I hugged my bear tighter as if Kuma would come to life and save me.

"No."

"Then... why are you staring at me like that?" Why on thi good green earth was he looking at me like that!? I was starting to sweat a little and my head started to feel a little funny. My ears burning even more. His smile grew as he continued to watch me.

"You look sleepy."

"I am not." I was scared. Wait, no. He wasn't doing anything. He was just staring at me like a freak! Why did he have to be so creepy?

"Are you sure?"

"Am I?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Sure sure?"

"Yes... I think."

"It is late."

"Ya.. you have a point." I looked at the clock on the wall and my eyes widened. "Oh my God! Is it really so late!?"

"No." I snapped a look at him in complete confusion and almost half panic, Dad would have a complete fit about my being out so late, and Papa would probably be assuming that I snuck out for coitus with my lover. Oh God. I shuddered at that thought. I'm not a stingy person. I did plan on losing my virginity, just.. maybe not to Ivan.

"What do you mean no? I can see it right there, says two thirty three!"

He was laughing at me. "That clock has been broken for nearly three weeks now."

"O-oh. I see. Um. I know of a-" I stopped as my mouth opened wide in a large yawn. One that I had not wanted to let slip. Why was I so damn tired? Looking to the mug I had drunk from, I was beginning to wonder if Ivan used milk instead of water. I usually filled a mug half milk and half water. too much milk and I would end up asleep, but too much water ends in just watered down sick in a mug. Ivan must have used all milk.

I smiled a little, shifting slightly in my place.

"You are tired." He said with that sick smile on his face. "Well, it is a little late." He said, still smiling at me

"Y-ya.. I really should get going." I looked back at him and bit back another yawn. Ivan nodded and helped me up as I shrugged the blanket off of my shoulders. Shivering a little, I held my bear close and shrugged up my shoulders.

As I started to shuffle off, I felt something warm around my shoulders and firm, large hands in place upon them. My eyes growing wider, I looked over my shoulder and met Ivan's gaze as he looked down at me.

"You can take this with you." He tapped his fingers on my shoulders as I looked to the blanket I had just been wrapped in seconds previous.

"Oh.. Ivan, I- Thank you.. but its yours. I can't take-"

"No, I insist. You are cold. I'll escort you home aswell." I closed my mouth and smiled at him a little with a nod. This was nice. Atleast I wouldn't have to walk home freezing. He lead me to the door and opened it, allowing me out first before he himself stepped out and closed it.

As we walked down the street, we talked a little in light blurbs of conversation here and there. I even managed to ask him nicely, why he had suddenly decided to write me so many letters and stuff them into my locker. Ivan told me that he had been writing them, and had intended on giving them to me as he wrote them, but he never had actually had enough guts until he finally put them in place, and instead of risking regect of the first letter, he stuffed them all in so that I would have gotten all of them.

Now, I had to admit, I never expected someone like Ivan to be so... shy about something like that. Was shy the word I was even looking for? It was hard to really tell. I just hadn't expected something like that from him. It blew my mind a little. But I was grateful. I had also managed to ask him to not have anymore paintings done. Not that I wasn't grateful or anything like that, I was infact more then flattered, but still. This had been something else he was more then willing to agree to and for that I thanked him.

We approached my home, noticing that the lights were out, I assumed they were all in bed. We creeped over to the front door. Bending down I pulled the spare key from under the mat and quietly began to unlock the door. When I had opened it, I put the key back in its place and turned around to greet Ivan's watch.

"Um... thank you Ivan."

"But I haven't done anything Matthew" I shook my head.

"No, you helped me escape the chaos that was here earlier. I felt good to... to have someone to talk to." I couldn't believe I was saying these things to him. He really wasn't bad at all. "I owe you one Ivan."

Ivan wore that creepy grin again, and I had to force myself not to shudder. "Can I have a kiss?"

"What?!"

"Just a small kiss, da? Just here." He said, a finger resting on his cheek.

"I.. I.. Uh.."

"I promise, I won't ask you for anything anymore." I looked at him a little longer with a raised eyebrow. Thinking things over for a few moments, I finally nodded slowly. A kiss on the cheek didn't seem too bad. I took a step closer and started to stand on my tip toes, god he was tall. But thankfully, he leaned down. Nearing and closing the space between my lips and his cheek, I closed my eyes not wanting to watch. Once I pressed my lips to... his.. cheek? Opening them again, it was painfully obvious that he had tricked me! Ivan had turned his head and now my lips were pressing against his!

Immediately I pulled back and blushed deeply in embarrassment. Ivan just smiled brightly at me and chuckled merrily.

"I'll see you in school Matthew! Thank you for the kiss." He said before turning on his heels briskfully and almost skipping off. I stared at the spot where he had been standing for a long time before I finally went inside and closed the door. Locking it behind me, I stood alone in the darkness of a sleeping house and slowly a smile crept across my face. Looking down, I noticed I was still wearing the blanket he had lent me. I smiled even more.

"It.. wasn't all that bad.. " I whispered to myself, smiling. He really did care, didn't he? I continued to smile as I hugged my bear close, continuing on towards the stairs, I stopped and looked into the living room. Something was different. I switched on the light to get a better view and horror struck my eyes. "You.. hung it up anyway!?" I whispered harshly in astonishment. Dad and Alfred let Papa live? Maybe that was why it was quiet. Maybe they killed him. Because that painting of Ivan and myself in a nude and rapture filled embrace was hanging on the wall above the couch in the living room. I immediately turned off the light again and headed up the stairs blushing deeply.

Papa was so dead. I was going to kill him. But I soon pushed it to the back of my mind as I took the key to my room from a home made pocket in Kumajiro's back. I went to unlock my bedroom door but noticed it was already open a crack. Nervously I tucked the key back into my bear and pushed the door open slightly. Peering inside, I looked around. My eyes hadn't adjusted, but it didn't feel like anyone was in there. So I slipped in and closed the door, locking it firmly behind me as I switched the light on and turned to face my bed.

"MAPLE!" I nearly shouted as I jumped. "What are you doing in my room!?"

* * *

Wow.. well. sucks. I am sorry I took so long writing this out. XDD I have been soooo busy lately. I hope you guys liked it. I am sitting on the fence about this whole story still. I'm actually really thrilled with all the reviews I have been getting. I tend to look down at myself about this sort of thing. XDD so thanks! I hope to get in the next chapter real quick. Any ideas as to who is in Matthew's room? (not like the list of possibilites is huge )


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

* * *

_"What are you doing in my room?!"_

Gripping Kumajiro tightly to my chest I stared at the mirror image infront of me. Well, my 'reflection' looked more angry and impatient then myself, so I decided to prepare myself for a possible lecture.

"Waiting for you."

"Well, I can see that Alfred, but why? Shouldn't.. shouldn't you be asleep? Its nearly two." I said, keeping my voice low.

"I could very well be asking the same question _Matthew William Kirkland_" I nearly shuddered. Alfred had never used my full name like that before. No one had. Was he really that mad?

"I.." was I really going to tell him? I watched his expression and it appeared that the longer I remained silent and held my tongue, the more his scowl grew. It was almost scary how much he reminded me of Dad just now. Where else could Alfred have gotten that stare from. After all, he was on the recieving end of them often enough. It was just pure logic.

"You what? Mattie, I'm not going to be angry, just tell me."

_Ya right._ I thought.

"I left the house, and snuck out my window-"

"Obvious."

"Then, I just went out for a walk. I was tired of listening to you and Dad and Papa arguing about what to do about Ivan and me." I said, leaving it at that. I didn't want to say that I went back to Ivan's house with him.

"Alright, so where did you get that blanket? Thats not one of ours." He knew which blankets we had and which we didn't!? I never thought was was something that Al ever thought about that sort of thing. What else did he keep track of?! I sighed deeply and looked to the bear i held tightly.

"Can I just go to bed? I'm tired Al." There was a long pause as Alfred eyed me close. A smile creeping over his face, what was with everyone and smiling at me like that lately? I nearly shivered. So I just hugged the blanket closer for protection and squeezed Kumajiro tighter.

"... Fine" He said with an odd look. He pulled back the covers on the bed and went to the window, locking it. "Just making sure that Ivan can't get in here... Don't need him sneaking in through your window and watching you sleep, or worse."

I watched him with a raised brow and just tried to ignore him. Sighing, I took off my glasses and set them on the night stand before getting under my covers. Still keeping Ivan's blanket around my shoulders. I turned to face the wall and closed my eyes.

Listening to the sound of my floor boards creaking slightly under Alfred's weight. He turned off the light but I didn't hear the door open. Maybe he was just really quiet, but to my surprise, that wasn't the case. I soon felt the covers being thrown back once more as I heard another set of glasses being set on my night stand. Looking back over my shoulder, I saw Alfred getting into the bed with me.

"Eh? Alfred, what are you doing?" He pulled the covers over us and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. My back stiffened a little. "C-can't you go to your own room?"

"No, if Ivan decides to visit you again, I will be here to save you. He won't be touching you again any time soon." He said, obviously proud of himself for having such a good plan. Alright, this wasn't so bad. Al was my brother, and we used to sleep together a lot when we were little, but why did this seem so strange? Apart from the Ivan detail. I just tried my best to ignore it.

"Oh, and by the way.. I'm telling Dad."

"WHAT!?" My spun around and looked at him, pushing at Alfred to get him away from me. "You can't! He will completely flip out!"

"Well, you shouldn't have gone out. Atleast not alone. You could have come and got me, and we could have left together. Taken the car and gone through a McDonald's drive through and gotten some burgers."

"I wasn't about to go down stairs and subject myself to further embarrassment! You are part of the problem Alfred, I needed to get away from all of you!" I huffed out, suddenly feeling guilty, I hadn't meant for it to sound like that. Alfred was staring at me now with a blank expression. "oh God.. Alfred, i'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that."

"He has brainwashed you hasn't he!? Ivan brainwashed you!"

"He didn't! I would know if he did."

"Uh-huh. I'm sure. Go to sleep Russian minion. I'll save you in the morning." He said as he pulled me back down and held me in a vice grip. I was pouting of course. Alfred was a nutcase. Completely out of it. I wasn't brainwashed... I didn't think so atleast. No, Ivan wouldn't have done that.

Would he?

* * *

"A broken what now?" Al asked.

"A bloody gasline! School is cancelled until its repaired."

As Dad's back was turned, Alfred pumped his arm and fast back in victory and excitement. "YES!"

"This was my day off, Alfred I would really appreciate it if you could try and-" Dad turned around and watched as Alfred disappeared. The next thing that could be heard was the blaring speakers of the television in the livingroom as Al started blowing things up on game system. "Nevermind." He sighed heavily and sat down with his tea.

I stood quietly in the kitchen. Still wearing my pajamas and hugging my bear. My glasses were slightly askew and my hair looked a complete mess. I yawned a little. "So, just go back to bed then eh?" Dad looked up from the paper he had picked up and took another sip of his tea with a nod. I gave a small smile and turned to head back up to bury myself in the warm blankets.

"Lad, can you wait a moment." I froze in my tracks and turned around to look at him.

"Y-yes?"

"Why do you look so tired? I thought you went to bed early?"

"Oh, well... it was kind of hard.. you were all yelling last night." I mumbled, looking down. "I noticed... the painting was hung up." Blushing deeply as I brought that up. Dad didn't look very impressed at all.

"Yes.. well, that frog of a man wouldn't shut his bloody trap until he was allowed to hang it. I wanted sleep, so I had to let him." I nodded. "But don't worry, I'll take it down when we have company." Looking back at him I smiled.

"Thanks Dad." He went back to drinking his tea and reading the paper as I headed back up the stairs to my room. As I moved up the steps, I could hear Alfred swearing at the tv and cheering after a series of explosions. I shook my head. Atleast things this morning almost seemed normal. Atleast until I reached the top of the stairs.

I was met with a beaming and joyous looking Frenchman. His hair was wet and he was clad in nothing but a towel around his waist. He wasn't even dry. Obvious enough that he had taken a shower. I blinked a few times and looked away.

"Bonjour Papa." I said quietly.

"Bonjour mon petit Matthieu!" He said in a very joyous voice. The nearly naked and dripping wet man that was my parental figure, leaned forward and pulled me into a hug close against his chest. Kissing the top of my head. Oh, now my pajamas were damp and Kumajiro was aswell. Frowning slightly, I closed my eyes and pushed back before looking up at him. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept alright." The Frenchman just smiled at me slyly.

"Alfred is very protective, non?" I nodded slowly and his smile grew.

"I peeked in to check on you this morning. He was hugging you very tightly. It was adorable."

"To you. I could barely breathe."

"Oui, but all this love.." He sighed and seemed to be going dreamy eyed on me. I raised my eyebrow and edged towards my room a little more. "its exciting, non? Ah.. so when do we get to meet ton amoureux?"

"My.. my lover?! No no no nooooo.. I'm not.. he isn't my lover.. he just.. he just really likes me.. I guess. No. I don't know." He chuckled and hugged me again.

"Tu es ardoable. I can't wait to meet him." He patted the top of my head and ruffled my hair a little before he walked down stairs. My cheeks were burning red in embarrassment, I headed for my room and closed the door. Wait! He went in my room!? I locked it before I went to bed! How come people kept getting into my room? Yet one more problem I was going to have to figure out. But that could wait until later. I heaved a sigh and walked over to my bed, removing my shirt and tossing it to the floor, I flopped down on the bed and lay there staring at the ceiling.

I had maybe been laying there for a moment before I heard it start.

"FRANCIS! Put some bloody clothes on you bastard!"

"But why mon Anglais? This is nothing you haven't seen before."

"Stop touching me there! Get OFF you wine bastard!"

I pulled out my headphones and stuck them in my ears with a groan. I didn't feel like listening to them bicker anymore. Turning up the volume, I closed my eyes and let myself get lost.

________

_Tap tap tap tap tap tap. _I opened my eyes once more. My mp3 was dead. That made a lot of sense. Checking the time, I sighed. Nearly noon. i must have been more exhausted then I thought. _tap tap tap tap_. Blinking a few times, I looked over to the window and furrowed my brow. What was bouncing off my window?

As I got up and unlocked it, I lifted it up and stuck my head out. Bad and very very stupid. I felt something hard hit me between the eyes.

"ow!" I ducked back in and rubbed a small red mark on my forehead.

"Sorry!" I heard being called from outside. Moving back to the window, I looked out and saw Ivan, a big as life, standing on the lawn below. "I didn't mean to hit you. I'm sorry." He said with a smile.

"Don't worry about it. So, you are throwing pebbles at my window eh?"

"Da, I wanted to get your attention."

"Well you got it.. Oh, do you want your blanket back?" I ducked back in and grabbed it, getting ready to drop it out the window.

"No, thats not it." He laughed at me a little. "You are so cute." He mumbled. Still smiling away. "I told you that you could have it. Its a gift."

I blushed a little. "Oh, thank you Ivan. I.. it was really warm." I'm an idiot. I felt like one atleast. Setting it down on my bed. I was a little creeped out that Ivan was standing outside my window, but it didn't hit me until now. "oh god.." I ran to the window again. "Ivan, Al is going to kill you if he sees you down there!"

Ivan looked around. Standing in place before he looked up at me again. "But I saw him leave with your... parents?"

"What? When?"

"Da. Nearly half an hour ago. I've been throwing pebbles at your window for a while now." He chuckled again. "I thought you knew they were gone."

"How was I supposed to know!?"

"There is a note stuck to your forehead. I can't read it from down here, but I assume thats what is on it."

I blushed madly and reached up, touching my forehead. Sure enough there was a sticky note on my forehead. I removed it and in fancy scrawl I saw the note.

_Matthieu, your brother's wardrobe is putrid, as is Arthur's. I'm taking them both to find suitable outfits for our dinner tonight. I'll pick something up for you aswell. ~Papa._

"Are we going somewhere fancy?" I asked myself outloud before I peered back out the window. "uh. thanks for telling me." I said. Now what was I supposed to do? Maybe I should invite him in? It seemed only fair and polite. "Would you like to come in?"

"I would like that a lot." He said cheerfully. I nodded.

"Go to the front door and I'll let you in."

I watched Ivan go around to the front of the house and I closed my window and made my way out into the hallway. Walking down the steps, I passed by the living room. Neglecting to make sure the space was clean, I just assumed Papa had cleaned it after Alfred had been in there. I placed my hand on the door knob and gave it a turn. Slowly opening the door, my heart rate increased just slightly as I looked up at him and remembered the previous night. The stolen kiss.

"Hello Matthew."

"Hi... um.. come in." I said, opening the door wider for the Russian to come in. As he did so, I couldn't help but catch the faint smell that followed him. Sunflowers? Maybe? I liked it, catching myself daydreaming a little. I heard it.

"Oh! Matthew! You hung it up!" I spun around and looked inside the living room to see Ivan beaming happily at the painting on the wall of myself and him in a lover's tangle. I turned bright red. Atleast I assumed since my cheeks suddenly felt hot and I was deeply embarrassed once more.

"A-actually.. my Papa hung it. He is.. um.. really proud."

"Da, I gathered that when I spoke with him."

I stood still and stared at him for a moment. "Huh?" It was all I could respond with.

"He is the french parent, da?" I nodded. "I thought so. He invited me to supper tonight."

_NO! _I wanted to scream. Thats why he went to get new clothing! He was too pushy. He was too into this! Why in hell would he- no. Nevermind. I knew he would pull something like this. That was just how 'proud' and happy he was about this situation. Once love got in his head. Nothing else mattered. Not even discepency. I sighed and smiled.

"Wonderful." I said, a slightly pained look on my face, gladly he wasn't looking. "Uh, make yourself at home. Can I get you something to drink? We have pop and milk. Water, juice.. "

"I'll have whatever you are having Matthew." I nodded. Coke. Everyone liked that drink. Unless they were a pepsi fan, but it wasn't likely that Ivan liked pepsi. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of cans out of the fridge before I returned to the living room. Ivan was sitting on the couch. I looked at the clock as I handed him the beverage. "Spasibo"

I gave him a look and assumed that just meant thank you. "Your welcome." I said in reply, cracking open the tin, I turned on the tv set to break the awkward silence that I knew was going to be hanging in the air. Actually, awkward for me. I didn't know how the other might feel. He never seemed to be bothered by it.

Taking a second look to the clock. I knew how Papa was at shopping. If it were up to him, he would be buying the most expensive items he could find. Dad liked his things to be neat and clean. Proper and trim too, but not as gawdy as Papa. Alfred was just stubborn as hell, so I suspected that they would be gone for a couple of hours yet to come. A simple shopping trip was never that.

"When should we be expecting them back Matthew?"

"Probably not for a few hours." I said with a wave of my hand. Switching through the stations until I found a hockey game. Settling into the couch, I was about to make a comment and ask if Ivan was a fan of hockey until the phone rang. "Excuse me a moment" I said politely, setting my can down after taking a quick sip. Leaving the room, I quickly rushed to the phone and answered it.

"Hello?"

_"Matthieu?"_

"Oh, hi Papa."

_"Did you recieve the note I left you mon ange?"_

"Oui Papa"

_"Merveilleux! We probably won't be home for another few hours. Arthur is being a.. MON DIEU!" _I waited for him to finish. The shrill cry in his voice in that moment had me worried now.

"Papa! What happened! are you okay!?"

_"Oui, oui. Arthur cannot drive and Alfred nearly.. Would you two please, be more.. *sigh*.. Matthieu, we won't be home for a few hours. Au revoir."_

"Au revoir." I said. Hanging up the phone, I sighed and shook my head. Why was my family so dysfunctional? I returned to the livingroom to see Ivan sitting there, looking up at me from his spot with a smile on his face. God that was spooky.

"My Papa. Just telling me what I already knew." Ivan nodded. I headed to the couch and took a seat on the comfortable furniture. Leaning ahead, I took the coke and raised it to my lips once more. Taking a long deep drink as I watched the game. The carbon was crisp and my eyes watered a little as my throat tingled a little. Sniffing slightly I leaned back and settled in. Feeling more, much more comfortable in my own home with Ivan, then in the Russian's home.

Like home ice in the game. Gave me an upper hand and gave me the advantage of everything. I looked over to Ivan who was still sitting in silence. A childlike grin on his face as he watched the game. Occasionally looking my way. I would catch the glance every few minnutes, and I had to admit, it was starting to creep me out.

I finished my coke. We still sat in silence, but atleast the game was on and was distracting enough. I set the empty can down, but couldn't help fumbling a little as I did so. Odd. Probably just tired. I did always have trouble getting proper sleep if I was up too late. Sighing, I watched Ivan get up.

"Where is your bathroom?"

"Oh, 'm srry.." I slurred slightly. Pointing lazily to the stairs. "Up the strs.. and second door on the right." Well, that came out weird. Frowning a little at myself, I found it kind of humerous, and chuckled to myself a little. Content with watching the game. I slothed on the couch as the tv slowly started to lose my focus. I was alone for what felt like hours, but had been only minutes as I heard the Russian come back.

"Matthew, you don't look so good."

" 'm fine." I murmured. What was wrong? Why couldn't I speak properly!? I looked up at the other as he neared me with a smile. I felt large arms around me as I was scooped up and lifted off the couch. Too confused to care that I was no longer on the couch, I decided to worry about why the Russian was lifting me up like this. We started to move and the stairs came into focus.

Ivan carried me up the stair case. "I'm going to have you lay down. Maybe you just need sleep da? I did keep you up late last night." He said innocently as I was carried up to my room. He carried me inside and closed the door behind him. I looked up at him with an ever growing look of worry. He laid me down on the bed. His way was very caring and gentle as I was set on the soft mattress.

"Ivan? Wadd'r yuh doing?"

"Shhh.."

* * *

Oh god. Please don't hate me for donig that! I"M SORRY MATTHEW!! *huggles* I hope you don't kick me out of your country! More to come for the next chapter on this horrible sin. I'm sorry! I just.. I couldn't! I had to do this! . I was sooo tempted to doing this in the previous Ivan and Mattie moment. But I have plans. Never you fear. No one knows MWUAHAHAHAHAHA! o_o

But uh, ya again, I apologize if my french was terrible. I can't speak the language let alone use it in writing. I was relying on translators. I tried using a link that one of my amzingly wonderful reviewers and readers had put up in the reviews, but the link wasn't working. So.. I just hope this was okay.

Bonjour - hello (in this case I was using it as 'good morning' because I looked it up and it said that the French don't acutally say good morning. they just say bonjour. not sure if thats true of not)

votre amoureux - your lover .. I used a translator for all of these. sorry if they are wrong.

tu es adorable - you are adorable

Anglais - Englishman. (i typed in england and english and englishman and they all came out like this. so I'm saddened. I need to learn this language. I swear. but mandarin is hard enough)

Ange - angel

mon dieu - my god, my goodness, ect.

au revoir - good bye

Again, I apologise endless times if I get any of these wrong, please. I beg of you, correct me on any mistakes. especially if the errors offend someone (don't ask, I am a chronic worrier like that.)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

* * *

_"Ivan? Wadd'r yuh doing?"_

_"Shhh.."_

Ivan was coming closer now and he was leaning over the edge of my bed. I felt his hands pressing into my mattress on either side of me as the giant hovered over top. Leering down at me. A sickeningly innocent smile on his face, like what he was about to do was supposed to please me. My eyes widened a little and I began to push myself back.

"Ivn.." I slurred. Deciding to put more effort into my words. "What.. are.. you.. doing?" Okay, I sounded really slow, but atleast my words were clear. "Stop." I continued to pull myself back a little more.

Ivan only followed me. Climbing onto the mattress even more now. I tried to call out for help, but his hand clapped over my mouth as he leaned in to kiss my forehead. With sleepy limbs, I tried to push and kick. Anything to keep him away. But I could barely pull myself along a bed, so there was little if, no effect from my attempted strikes.

His hand started to journey south. An unwanted destination that I knew was his goal. Closing my eyes tightly, I managed to move my mouth and bite down on the other's hand. Not letting go until I felt him hit me in the side with his fist. My mouth opened in a gasp, that served him to take the opportunity to kiss me.

I turned my head from side to side to try and avoid the contact, but my efforts were futile and he ended up grabbing my jaw and holding me still. The hand continued. Resuming its journey down my body. Feeling him grasp at my sides. The feel of his hand moving over my pajama bottoms. Soon the hand was slipping beneath the fabric and I bit down on Ivan's lip.

"No! Please.. Ivan stop! Please stop!" He struck me again. Only this time it was below the belt. A near miss of my 'vital regions'. I gasped and groaned in pain. Tears started to leak from the corners of my eyes as I looked at him in a pleading gaze. He seemed so unphased. Like nothing I was doing was being noticed. Like it was a game!

Then he did it again. He chuckled. He was laughing at me once more and I couldn't understand for the life of me, and the sacred space that was my ass and privacy, why he was laughing.

"You look so cute da? When you are all flustered and can't get what you want." That stupid smile, I wanted to kick him. So I tried, but I noticed he was sitting on me, and that made it a little more then difficult. "You are a fighter Matthew. Thats what i like about you." He smiled and kissed me again. I tried my hardest to bite him again and make him bleed but he was too fast and pulled away.

"Leave me alone! Ivan please!" Focusing on my words was proving a lot more difficult then it might seem to an outside veiwer. Why did they have to be taking so long shop!? Alfred and Dad would have kicked Ivan's ass and Papa could be hugging me and comforting me now instead of being beneath Ivan, and drugged like this. I squirmed a little more as Ivan worked on ridding me of my clothing.

One by one each article was removed by surprisingly careful hands. I felt like such an idiot! I let my guard down for one second. I had been too trusting and now look where it got me! Naked on my bed, with my soon to be rapist removing his shirt. Salty tears rolled down my cheeks, burning an itchy path as they went.

"Please let me go!"

Ivan remained ever silent. Always smilling as he began to undo his pants. I started flailing now. Well, atleast as best as I could flail, which was hardly worth the effort. Tossing my head slowly from side to side in protest as I pushed at his stomach with my hands to get him off. He just chuckled and continued on. Once his pants were undone, he started to move his hands again.

Cupping my cheeks and then running them down my neck. Around my shoulders and over my rapidly rising and falling chest. My heary thudding loudly in my ears. The pale and somewhat, icy, hands continued to leave a burning trail. Pinching my nipples and tweaking them. I closed my eyes tight and bit my lip. Trying hard to hold back and unwanted moan.

One hand kept to this duty as the other glided further south and claimed territory. Grasping my member that was, much to my horror, responding to his cold and loveless caresses. This was so humiliating. Why was my body reacting like this!? My cheeks grew hot and pink and I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips.

"Ah!.. n-no! please!" I tried again. But once more, I recieved no reply. He merely started to stroke me and plant various kisses across my bare and exposed flesh. Tainting me with his disgusting lust. Feeling the pressure leave my legs. I looked at him again. He had somehow just managed to remove his pants. Kicking them to the floor and.. Oh my god! I didn't look! I swear! I hadn't meant to look there!

Fear gripped me as I clenched my eyes tightly. Moaning to an undesired pleasure that sparked along my spine and nerves. But the stroking stopped and I soon felt firm hands around my waist as I was spun around to land on my stomach like some child's plaything. He had moved me like I weighed nothing.

More tears fell. My stomach was aching as was my thigh. The impacts had really hurt and I knew that they would leave marks. Dark and hideous ones. I could hear something. But I was certain that it was actually there. I wanted to call out, but my energy was draining fast. I had spent so much of it on pleading and squirming.

I soon felt a wet finger being pressed to my rear door and immediately I panicked. It was pushed in and I scrunched up my face. There was pain, though it was slight. It felt so weird. It wasnt too long after though, that I felt another finger being pressed inside. That hurt. I gasped. The stinging caused me to try and lean forward to escape the odd burning feeling that overcame me.

Another few moments passed of the stretching and moving fingers before I felt them leave me. Sore and probably bleeding just slightly, I hoped it was over. That he might just have had his fun then. I didn't actually think he was going to go all the way. It wasn't right. My bosy was just putting me through further embarrassment. Just as hard as Ivan was. I cried silently into the pillow.

I let out a sharp cry as I suddenly felt a hard and fast thrust in. No! I didn't want this! The pain that shot up my spine was incredible and my legs went out from under me. If it wasn't for Ivan holding me in place, I would have been laying flat on the mattress instead of having my ass in the air. I continued to whimper and sob as the other began to thrust into me. Pretending as if he cared. I knew he didn't. No one could care if they were doing this.

After a while, the pain slowly melted in with pleasure and I was moaning as each thrust was given. Biting my lip hard, i tried to keep myself silent. But nothing worked. Nothing was going to stop it and all I could do was ride this out and wait for it to end. But I heard another sound. The sound of a door closing. Of voices coming up the stairs. A distictive French voice drifting up and getting closer. Sounding a little more then upset.

I was about to call out and say something, but Ivan turned my head and locked my lips in a deep kiss. Pulling off that 'love' crap really well. I looked to the door and saw Papa standing there with wide eyes. Oh good! He was going to help me! This was so incredibly mortifying, but he was going to help me and I was going to be saved. Only...

"Mon Dieu!" Was all he said, closing the door with a smile on his face as he immediately began tearing down the stairs shouting about how proud he was of me, and that I had finally lost my virginity. I could hear two more voices now. One just as furious as the other and a flurry of steps moving towards the stairs.

But then it all stopped. Ivan was still thrusting into me, and grunting with each move. I could tell he was nearing the end, and he moved his hand down to my erection. Gripping it once more, he began to stroke me again. I moaned loudly, and buried my burning red face into the tear soaked pillow.

I could hear Papa going on endlessly about love, and how wonderful it was that I had found someone to do this with. Then it got even worse from there and I just wanted to die. I was being raped. My own papa didn't even take that into consideration, he was too busy describing how beautiful two naked bodies exploring one another like this was. God! I hated my family sometimes. But I hated myself even more in this moment.

Soon I arched against Ivan as I came. Ivan followed soon after and he didn't even have the decency to pull out first. I felt disgusting as I was allowed to fall to the bed. I pulled the blankets up close to my body and covered myself quickly, burying my face in the pillow and pulling my bear in aswell. Trying hard to comfort myself as the other got dressed.

"I should get going da? I don't think it would be wise I stayed. Your father and brother sound very angry." He walked over and kissed my forehead gently. Lovingly, before he stepped back. "Thank you Matthew. You were my first lover." He smiled again. I just turned away. "I love you Matthew. I'll see you in school!" He said cheerfully before he snuck out of the bedroom window, leaving me alone to wallow in embarrassment and self pity.

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Oh wow. Okay, . I really hope that someone out there likes this chapter. It is like, 1:39am and I did this up in thirty minutes. I just wanted to update so badly. and... It really killed me to have to do that to mattie. *hugs him to death* But never fear, it won't end here!

Ugh, things have been hectic lately. and I apologise for the shortness of this chapter. It is both short, and in my opinion, crappy. Sorry sorry sorry! T_T don't kill me yet!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

Everyone is crying!! I'm sorry! A I'm sorry! But note! I am not the one who decided that! A friend of mine did! please don't hate! I have plans though. Everyone, its going to be just fine! Just bare with! and WOOT!! there are still some people who enjoyed that! lol. thank you for all the reviews you guys! You are the best!

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"Let me upstairs damnit!"

I could hear Alfred screaming at Papa who I am guessing had blocked them from going upstairs and disturbing my _romantic affairs._ I almost rather that they just stay down there, but I could hear a first loud thump, followed by a series of thuds coming closer. I hugged my bear and my pillow tightly. Pulling the blanket even closer still. Oh, god, they were coming in.

The door flew open. I heard it hit the wall and I was almost certain the knob went through the wall. But I didn't look. I just continued to weep quietly.

"Where is he!? I'll rip out his fucking eyes!" More tears began to fall as I heard Alfred checking my closet and under my bed. "Bastard! Went out the fucking window! Mattie! What the he-... Mattie?" Alfred's tone had significantly become softer and quieter.

"What in the bloody hell is going on up here!?"

"Dad! Shut up! Look at him..." There was a few moments of silence. Awkward silence and I tried my hardest to stop crying long enough to look at them and tell them I was just fine. But this was a failure from the beginning.

"Matthew?" Footsteps neared and I felt a weight on the bed. "Lad, are you alright? Is what Francis said, true?" I hadn't honestly been sure of what was said, but I didn't feel like coming out and saying it right off what had happened. I just nodded.

"Probably just embarrassed. I'd be if that wine bastard walked in on me.. Are you sure you are alright?"

"Alright!? Dad! He is sobbing into his pillow and clinging to that stupid bear like its a life preserve! Mattie, What did that disgusting freak do to you!?" I shook my head and kept my face hidden. "Mattie! Tell me what he did!" I could tell right off what Alfred had in mind of doing. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

"Alfred. Listen to me, he is clearly upset right now! Matthew doesn't look like he wants to talk right now. Let him have his moment alone. We can question him later." I heard Dad leaving the room, swearing and cursing as he headed down the stairs. Most likely to question Papa further instead of getting no where with me.

"Matthew" Alfred's voice was significantly softer then the shouting before. "Please, tell me what he did. Just.. shake or nod your head. Did you want this? I promise I won't tell Dad or Papa.. Please Mattie, I'm asking you, begging you to tell me. I want to save you and protect you and I can't do that if you won't tell me."

I had stopped sobbing by now, and just was weeping silently into the my pillow. I remained quiet for a long time after that question. I was too scared to answer. Finally after assuring myself that Alfred really wouldn't tell them, I shook my head.

"N-no.. I.. I didn't.. " There it was. That awkward silence I knew that would follow. I could practically feel the seething rage that I knew was building in my brother. I took a chance and turned my head to look at him. Everything still felt weird, and I still felt sluggish, but it was clearing up.

"Alfred...?" I was afraid to hear him, but when I saw the look on his face, I had to make sure there was still a human in there. Someone who possessed the ability to love and care because the all I could see when I looked into his blazing eyes was seething hatred towards Ivan. Dark pits that screamed and flamed high to avenge me and what happened.

"... Don't worry Matthew.. I won't tell anyone.." He said darkly, looking down at me. "I'll make sure that _he_ doesn't touch you again. I _promise. _I'll keep you safe forever."

- - - - - - - -

The next few days had gone by painfully slow. I was questioned by both Papa and Dad. Apologised too and everything else you could possibly think of. Dad even called the police. I lied of course and said that it had been consensual. After all, there were no marks or bruises. Nothing to suggest violence, so I easily was able to elude them, and I knew that if they did go to Ivan's then he would deny it too and claim it was consensual. Bases covered.

School had been closed for most of the week because of those leaking pipes, but they had been repaired and we were allowed to return. The only good thing that had happened all weekend I think, was that Papa took down the painting without being asked and tucked it away in the basement. Arguing that it was too nice to throw out, but he didn't want to make me feel awkward about having it out after the incident. I still think Dad told him off and made him put it down there.

All in all, it made me feel a little better. I still felt like shit an cheap trash, but a little better. I burned all the letters I had been given. I couldn't have them in my room. Nowhere in the house, so Alfred helped. More then happy to watch them burn and turn to ash. Blowing away in the wind. All the while, I couldn't help but wonder if Ivan really did think that what he was doing had been right. I mean, I had responded to everything. I couldn't figure it out. I hated him, and yet at the same time, I couldn't be mad. No matter how much I wanted to see him beaten and bloodied up.

- - - - - - - -

That school day dragged on by. Alfred stuck to me like glue in class and out in the halls. Watching over me like a hawk. He even came into the bathroom with me and stood there while I took a piss! It was a little mortifying. I mean, I understand what his deal was and I was glad that he was trying to keep me safe. But I highly doubted that Ivan would rape me in the washrooms at school. Well, atleast Al didn't watch.

Oddly enough, once school was out, I couldn't find Alfred anywhere in sight. Going to my locker, I kicked it and the lock popped. That's all it took, my locker was horrible. Kicking it felt good. Made me feel better, especially when it opened at my 'command'. I felt in control and recently I enjoyed the feeling of control a lot more then usual. I found a letter inside. Already I could tell it was from Ivan. He was the only one who slipped notes into my locker. I didn't want to read it.

".... f-fuck him." I swore in a whisper. Disdain as I looked at it. But something inside me made me put it in my pocket just the same. Curiosity I supposed.

As I walked home, I once more cut through the park and much to my surprise, I could hear Alfred. I honestly had thought that he had disappeared and buggered off with his friends. I began to search for him, he sounded like he was... fighting?

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Oh dear sweet maple syrup god and beaver dieties. please don't eat me. *is very Canadian, has a right to say those things.* This.. .was so much shorter then I wanted, but so many of you wanted this to be updated. I just couldn't let you go without. I hope this quenched you for now.

I also plan on tossing together another story. I just need a pairing.. okay... I need the Seme half of the pairing. Uke is already Canada. *is not obssessed.* Any ideas? Spit 'em at me puhlease!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within.

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"You sick pervert!"

I immediately picked up my pace. Running quickly, I just droppped my bag on the ground and rounded near a bush. Once I had, I could clearly see what was going on. Alfred was definately the cause of all the shouting and name calling. He was on the ground, wrestling Ivan.

"Alfred! Stop!" Why I was calling for him to stop was a complete mystery to me, and Al just simply ignored me. He managed to flip Ivan on to his back. Straddling him, he sat on Ivan's stomach and started hitting him over and over again. I heard a disgusting snap, and saw Ivan's face contort and scrunch up as he made a cry. For once that smile wasn't on his face.

"Touch my brother again and I'LL KILL YOU!" Al screamed, getting up, he kicked at Ivan a few times.

"Alfred! Thats enough! Just stop!" For once, I wasn't sure if it was better to see that constant creepy smile, or to see Ivan not smiling. It was disturbing not seeing the smile. Alfred seemed to comply to my wishes and as he was walking away I took a long look at Ivan. Not sure how to really feel about what had just happened. But I turned my back without word and began to walk back to my bag until I heard a loud thud and a grunt.

"Let go of me you commie bastard!" I spun on my heels and looked to see Ivan dragging Al back by his ankle. Al was kicking and cursing fluently. "I said... Fucking let go of me!" Alfred was tugged towards Ivan in one swift movement and when he got close enough, Ivan's fist was waiting for him. Snapping out and belting my brother in the face with a crack. I watched as Al's head spun to the side in motion with the hit, and stared in surprise as Al's jaw seemed to be hanging slack.

"ALFRED!" I charged over and jumped on Ivan, forcing all my weight into the landing as I came down on his side. "Let Alfred go!" I pried at Ivan's hands to keep him from strangling Al. But as soon as I ordered him to let go once more, Ivan loosened his hold and got up, taking me with him. My heart was racing and my breathing was heavy as I tried to make him let go.

"You'll be fine..." Was all he said as he brushed me off and set me down gently. I pushed at him and stumbled back a little. Flashing a dirty scowl in his direction.

"Don't. Touch. Me. Ever. Again!" I ordered firmly.

"I hope you got my letter." He was smiling again. But I wasn't too concerned with that. Especially the letter of all things as I picked up Al who was stirring and groaning. The both of them had bloodied eachother up fairly well, and it made me wonder just how long they had been going at it like this. It couldn't have been all that long.

"I'll see you tomorrow in class!" Ivan said cheerfully, still smiling at me as he made his way home. I could hear him humming some old love song. It made me shudder.

"Its alright Alfie.. come on." I said, as I helped Al who was red eyed and bruising just about as badly as Ivan if not worse. _I think his jaw is broken_. I thought to myself. It explained Al's odd silence and pained expression. I picked up my bag, and made him put his arm around my shoulders to lean.

He appeared to try and protest, but in the end, I think he knew he shouldn't try and walk on his own. With both our bags in hand and him hanging off of me. I began to wonder how Dad and Papa were going to react, not to mention, I was wishing the house was closer. Moving through the brush, we came to our drive, and walked up the gravelled way to the door.

"Papa~! Dad~!"

I heard movement and a horrid stench assaulted my nostrils. The hair on my head nearly burnt off. Dad was definately home, and what was worse was that he was actually in the kitchen. Dear god, save us all. This meant that Papa wasn't home, or else it would be battle royal in the kitchen.

"What is it lad?" I heard him as he came out of the kitchen, eating what looked like it was supposed to be... um.. leftovers from last night. No, wait, maybe it was chicken? God, what was that smell!? How could he eat that!? "Dear lord! What's wrong with Alfred?!"

"He got into another fight. I think his jaw is broken."

"Alfred, you idiot." He mumbled as he set down the toxic waste he was eating. As I watched it and ignored what Dad was doing, I could have sworn that it was eating through the plate. Maybe it really was corrosive. It just marvelled me more. This was horrible. I had eaten some of Dad's cooking before. A few times. I had been able to swallow it. But this looked like it had already been eaten.

".... Mattie."

"Hmm? What?"

"I said, lets go."

"Oh, sorry, ya okay." I dropped our bags and went with dad. Helping Alfred out to the car as quickly as we could. Once we were all in, Dad started the car and pulled out of the drive. Heading off towards the hospital as fast as we could go.

- - - - - - - - -

Sitting in the room that screamed clinical, I couldn't understand how it was supposed to be considered calming. If anything, it shouldn't be this white. Everything was white. It wasn't even 'off white' or 'egg shell' white. It was pure white. Like snow, and it was the floor, the walls, and the ceiling. I was a little more then tempted to go find a venting machine, get out some smarties or skittles, and just open them and scatter them around so my eyes wouldn't feel so raped and blinded by the brightness of the room.

Dad and I had been waiting for some time now. The X-ray had proven that Alfred's jaw had indeed been broken, and it was getting wired shut. Dad had called Papa up, so he was now here. But they were both bickering and fighting. Mainly because of the plate of death that Papa saw when he had gone home. He was insulted and had said he threw it in the trash. That upset Dad, and now here they were fighitng about it. Many of those in the waiting room with us had already left. I wish I could have left with them. But I was used to this kind of behavior from my parents.

I merely rolled my eyes and turned a little to face out the window. Looking out to the busy street that ran passed the building. Watching as blurred visions of faces, metal and rubber zipped passed. A little morbid at the moment, I wondered just how many of those people ended up with a broken jaw at some point in their life. How many of them had broken anything for that matter. But then Ivan came to mind once more. His nose looked like it had definately been broken. Would he come here to get it set? I was hoping it wasn't causing him too much pain. Though once I realized what I was thinking, I furrowed my brow and crinkled my nose a little. Quickly pushing my mind to the cars out the window once more. Who were these people? Where were they going? Did they have families? What were they like? I could hear my parents still arguing in the background.

"Probably nothing like mine.. " I muttered under my breath. Not surprisingly, they didn't hear me.

- - - - - - - - -

Alfred was stuck in hospital for a little while. Probably only the night for general observation. Maybe a couple of days. It did make me proud to know that he would do that for me, and I was really happy about it. I still hadn't told our parents what happened. I didn't want them to know, and I was more or less thinking of Papa. I know that if he realized what would happen, he would have felt bad, then probably gone on an endless rant about how insulting it was that such a beautiful thing was being used and for such cruel and harmful intentions. Then it probably would have carried on into a long lesson for everyone on the proper way to use sex and how to use love.

I chuckled a little at the thought. A shock I could still laugh about something so closely related to something I quite possibly, never wanted to remember again. It was still so fresh in my mind, and with every right. The way those cold hands had burned my flesh. I shivered a little. Frowning a little I sighed. The only sound was a series of clickings and clackings as my fingers darted along my keyboard. Lucky me, I had struck it rich when I found Super Mario Bros. on the internet. Too bad I sucked. I kept dying.

Finally after I had died for the forty second time, I turned off my laptop and closed it. Sighing, I got up and turned on my heels to head to my bed so that I might die for the night and forget about everything when I heard it. _Tick... tick... tick. _

I furrowed my brow and stopped where I was. _What the hell was that?_ Then I heard it again. That same ticking noise. Like a ping almost. It sounded too familiar. So I went towards the source... my window. Approaching it, I could see tiny objects bouncing off that the glass repelled. Moving closer, my heart started beating faster and faster. Oh god. My palms started to get a little sweaty. But I needed to see if my suspicions were right. Moving closer and closer, each step fell heavy and but all too soon I was standing there. My face pressed against the glass as I looked down to the yard below.

Standing there with a handful of pebbles, a soft scarf blowing in the wind and an innocent and cheerful smile, was Ivan. Ivan the Terrible. The giant. Mind you this giant wasn't jolly or green. Okay. Maybe he was jolly, but it was a tainted jolly. Frowning a little as he waved to me. I opened my window and slowly poked my head out. Suddenly a rage was moving through my body. Rage and disgust.

"What in the hell are you doing here?!" My words came out harsh and bitter.

"I wanted to see you again. Your brother is in the hospital, da?"

_God, you are so damn lucky I'm not leaping out of this window to kill you._ I thought.

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Okay, I am SO SO SORRY I took so long to update this. Life puked in my cereal when I woke up. XDD Went through a lot. What with job and apartment hunting. *sighs* then my girlfriend broke up with me and ya.. it just hasn't been fun times. But thank you all so so much for the reviews you make. They really keep me going on this and thank you soo soo much. I do plan on keeping this story going. No worries there. I hope you are enjoying this story so far... and please forgive the shortness of this chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or the characters within. **

**Author's Note:** GYAH!! I have been gone for so loooooooooooooooooooong. I have been so busy~ ;A;

hmm. okay.. let me think here. Oh yes, someone in the reviews made a comment about mattie's memory of Kumajiro's name. lol. Thank you for reminding me about that! XD I knew something was wrong. lol. but I'm going to be lazy and be like.. *looks the other way and whistles innocently* Kuma can keep his precious name this time! *points at him and laughs* MWUAHAHAHAHAHA. But next time... he won't be so lucky. _ XDDD okay. I'm done. This chapter probably won't be very long, but I'm going to try hard to get it a decent length. If not, I'm sorry. cause I'm feeling fairly sick and I feel horrible for not updating as often as I should.

Thanks to each and every single one of you for all of your reviews so far! They are great motivation and give me things to think on. Some of you with this story so far, might be thinking. "OH NO!" and "JERK!" XDDD i laugh at myself. its really sad. lol. but anyway. ya.. things could change. for better or worse. guess we just have to wait and find out eh? (note the proper usage of the word "eh")

Also.. to solve my issue with the whole French language and not knowing how to use it.. i'm trying to learn it now along with my mandarin which is hard enough lol. Francis and Yao would be proud. XDDD

I should stop now. ^_^

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"What in the hell are you doing here?!" My words came out harsh and bitter.

"I wanted to see you again. Your brother is in the hospital, da?"

_God, you are so damn lucky I'm not leaping out of this window to kill you._ I thought.....

"What? Matthew, what's wrong?" I gave him a blank stare, trying hard to keep myself from basically committing suicide by leaping out the window at him.

"Whats.... wrong?! YOU IDIOT!" I shouted. Not even caring if some passerby heard me. I didin't care. I was furious. The freak who stood in my yard raped me and put my brother in the hospital. How else was I supposed to react? I mean, of course, I had spent my time mourning and feeling sorry for myself after I was left naked in those sheets. I had laid there for a while and cried about it. Anyone would. It hurt damnit.

But I knew that crying wasn't going to just make it better. My resolve was to just get angry with him. I may be invisible to most. I may be weaker and not as strong as others. I may be seen as the non-violent brother, but when someone screws with me the wrong way. Heads roll. It was just on rare occasion that that actually happened.

Ivan didn't seem like he understood anything he did. It was like he knew exactly what he was doing, but at the same time, the monster seemed to carry an innocence. A child like nature that sickened me and everyone he came in contact with. It was creepy. It was really really really creepy.

"An idiot comrade?" He asks, still smiling. Oh god, I could just slap him.

" YA! You are an idiot! Why do you think I would want to see you!? That's great that you came all the way over here to see me, but think about ME and my needs for a moment. I DON'T want you here! Get out of my yard!" I even pointed away from the house to make my point a little clearer. But Ivan just stood there smiling. Giggling!

"You are so cute when you are upset."

I was at a loss. There was nothing I could do to get it through his head that I hated him and wanted him gone.

"You are just upset because your brother lost a fight that he-"

"Alfred didn't start shit! You are the one that started it. You started it when you dumped those letters in my locker, you started it when you started stalking me. You started it when you raped me. What did you think was-"

"I am sure Matthew, that you do not mean what you are saying. I didn't rape you. You enjoyed it. I know you did. If you could have seen your face and heard yourself, you would be agreeing with me Sunflower."

_.... Was that a pet name?_ He had given me a pet name!? I looked around my room and searched for something to throw at him, anything at all. I just wanted to inflict harm. I had never been so enraged in my life. It was anger for those things he had done to me. Anger for what he did to my brother. My hero. How dare he even look at me again or even mention me or my brother. How dare he. I looked around and then grabbed an old book.

Looking at it, I saw that it was on Russian history. Why I had it was a complete mystery to me but hey. It was very fitting, so I wasn't about to question the cosmos. I went to the window and hung out of it with the book in hand. I brought my arm back and pitched it as hard as I could. Although something very unexpected happened and I found myself falling. I couldn't even let out a cry as it happened. It had happened all so fast, I didn't get it until it hit me. Literally.

As I lay on the ground, my vision was blurred. My ears were ringing and there was an odd tingling sensation moving through me. A numb and very very heavy tingle. It vibrated through my bones and left me feeling like I weighed a ton. My head felt like it was full of water, and I couldn't breathe. All I could see was someone's face above mine, saying something mumbled. I couldn't understand what was being said. But the last thing that was on my mind was... _dad is going to be so mad... I think I broke my glasses again._

- - - - - - - - -

Beep.... beep.... beep.... beep

_Was my alarm set?_

_Beep.... beep... beep... beep_

_What is that noise?_

_Beep... beep... beep... beep_

_Its... actually kind of soothing. Where am I?_

Slowly but surely. My eyes began to flutter open, yet to my surprise, it was much harder then normal. My eyes were met with a blinding white colour that sent me reeling a little and I had to close them again. The beeping continued though. Ever strong and ever true. I first came to understand that I was in a bed. That much was sure. _Now... white white.. what's really white? _I tried to think about it, but found that the action hurt a lot more then it probably should have. More then I wanted it to anyway. A faint crease formed in my brow and I lay motionless until I could open my eyes fully without being pained by the vision.

I blinked a few times and glanced around briefly. My vision was blurry. Someone must have taken my glasses. I assumed as much anyway. Then I remembered. Oh... god. My glasses. No I think I broke them. But, it was... in a fall. I felt my heart rate pick up slightly at the realization and the beeping picked up a little aswell. It all came flooding back. My eyes darted widely around the room as I tried to move my neck but to no avail. There was something there keeping me from doing so. Neck brace. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. This meant that I was going to be okay. I was still alive and that meant I was okay. Maple. This time, when I opened my eyes again, I saw a blonde enter the room with a large bouquet of roses. I blinked a few times before I heard it.

"Mon petit Matthieu! Mon Ange! Are you alright?! Speak to me mon cher!"

"Oui Papa" I cracked out, offering a smile. The best I could muster in this condition. From the look on my Papa's face, I could tell that he had been crying. It was never hard to tell. That worry stricken expression that painted over his visage. He had very good reason. Two sons in hospital, I would have been worrying too. "Papa, where is Dad?"

"Ah, he is with your frére." That smile was always a comfort. I would have nodded if I could, so instead I just closed my eyes for a moment as I felt Papa running his fingers through my hair and petting me affectionately. For a moment it was silent, all expect for the constant beep beep beeping. I took in a long breath that kind of hurt a little, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

"Who are those from?" I asked, having opened my eyes and looked over to a vase full of sunflowers.

"Le Russe, Ivan. He left our presence maybe thirty minutes ago. Porquoi?"

I lay silent a few moments longer before I was able to shake off what I was feeling. "I... I don't.. know. Um.."

"He brought you here Matthieu. Would not leave until he knew that you would be alright." There was a sigh that passed his lips and I knew from the look in his eyes that now gazed off with a twinkle, he was caught in the moment. "It was so romantique et adorable!"

He was lost, there was no way I could hold a decent conversation with him now. I inwardly sighed. Maybe I could have waited for dad instead.

"Once he knew you were alright Matthieu, he left and returned with all of these wonderful tournesols! Then he stayed here and read to you for a while before he left again." Another one of those sighs sounded and I nearly rolled my eyes, though... that kind of... was.. sweet of him. I mean, he didn't rape me again or anything. My distrust for Ivan was still heavy, and my anger and rage for him was unmatched, except maybe by Alfred. After all, he was angry before, but now with a damaged ego.. he would be twice as livid. I almost chuckled at it.

* * *

I have to admit right now, I am pretty sure that some of that French may be wrong, or formal and that I have had those asking me if I wanted help with it (which I thank all of you so much for. MWUA kiss. no thats not creepy. ) But I'm going to try my hardest to learn this stuff. Hopefully writing fanfic will help me understand it a little more. Especially since I don't live in or near Quebec, so I can't even ya know.. try to pick it up at random. lol.

and ya. this turned out to be another short chapter. But I'm not feeling so hot and I feel like you guys all need something! lol.


	13. Author's Note

Hey everyone. I'm just writing a wee little note here. I AM still conitnuing with this story. Never fear! I just have a major pile up on things right now and I'm trying to sort through it all. But I do promise that I will be writing again and this time HOPEFULLY, it will be a longer chapter. I just... really need a break.

Okay. I have written this particular note out about six times. Trying to get myself to calm down a little.

I want to apologise to everyone right now for the content of my story. I've seemed to piss a few people right off. I want everyone to know that I do take the content seriously and if it seems to be jumping all over the place (which I know that it is and I'm sorry again), its because I'm busy with my studies and trying to find a job and a place to live. So I'm sorry. I just like to keep promises when I say I promise to finish something.

I have written this kind of content and worse. But not on here. I have written it using an original character in an rp forum. It was not taken lightly and I'm not a complete douche bag. Just so you know. But I certianly feel like one. I didn't mean to piss anyone off or offend anyone. I didn't think it would happen really because what I wrote isn't nearly as bad as some other things I have seen, whatever. But damnit! Okay.. I'm not even going to type out what I'm thinking right now. Because I'll feel even worse. So.. ya. I don't know. I'm sorry again. Things I have written were taken the wrong way and were assumed. I hate assumptions. So.. I'm sorry for giving out tools for people to assume the wrong things with.

I'll continue the story, but my three options for ending the story feel buggered up now and I'm not sure I want to use any of them anymore. So i'll try and think of a good ending to the story. I promise to continue this one. But i am going to take a break from it I guess.

I have been writing for over 5 years now, but I'm more in Rp wise. So.. i don't even know why I typed that. But ya. I act weird when I feel like shit. Sorry everyone. Sorry again. I'm going to take my hockey stick and my syrup and just go sit in a corner somewhere and write something else for a while. But I do promise to finish this story. I'm sorry again everyone. I'm going to shut up now. Sorry again.

- Letters in a Locker - +TO BE CONTINUED AT A LATER DATE+


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or its characters. **

Guess who got muse to start writing this again!

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Days in the hospital were long. Long and very boring. I hadn't seen Ivan since I plummeted from my tower of a house, but I was perfectly alright with that, even if it did make me wonder where the creep had disappeared to. Probably off plotting or something.

The sunflowers that kept me company were now withering and dying. Dad had insisted several times, like Alfred, that we should chuck the flowers. But even in this less the stunning condition, I wanted to keep them. Papa tried to keep them healthy and alive for as long as possible and I often caught conversation between him and dad when I feigned sleep.

"Mon cher, if I were in hospital, would you bring me flowers?"

"Sod off."

"I know you would cheri. Just as I would visit you all the time, and bring you flowers and-"

"Shut up!"

A loud smack would follow and the voices would trail out of the room as another fight insued. I never worried about them getting a divorce. That was just how they functioned and it worked. Alfred and I knew they loved eachother. Sometimes Al would pull himself into my room. His jaw wired shut. That, in its own way, was kind of nice. He wasn't so loud. Couldn't be. Not to mention he couldn't eat a burger unless it was tossed in the blender and mixed up. Oh yum. I had told him that little issue and he nearly went berserk. He even tried it. He had Papa toss a McDonald's meal into a blender and mix it up.

Personally I was shocked Papa did it, though I could see the moritfication in his eyes when he visited the day after. The he ranted for a near hour at how disgraceful such an act was. Especially with fast food. Then he rambled off on what he could have and would have gladly prepared for the other twin. Safe to say, I was glad that Al thought it was just as gross as Papa did, and never tried it again. My ears were spared.

Other then that, things ticked by painfully slow. I was nearly healed up, and was able to get up and hobble around on crutches. It was annoying that Alfred had to bring me my homework though. It should be illegal to deliver homework to those in hospital. Or forbidden or something. It was just a bad idea and absolutely rediculous. You can't get better if that has to be dealt with. But I did it without much protest and Al would take it back to school with him the next day.

By the time I was told I was being given my freedom and was being released from the hospital, I nearly leapt with joy. Though it came with bad timing. Both Papa and Dad were working that day, and Al was over at his friend's place. So I was left to lie to the doctors and nurses to tell them that someone was picking me up. I managed to leave with little issue and started to make my way down the sidewalk. I had no cash for the bus or a taxi. So I was kind of screwed. It was only twelve blocks away.

That didn't make me feel better. I groaned inwardly and sighed. Taking it step by step. Why were people always busy when I needed them the most? And why exactly did I not just sit at the hospital and wait? By rights, I shouldn't really be out walking around too much. I had been told to take it easy and relax. This wasn't exactly that. I sighed heavily and stopped at a bus stop. Taking a seat on the bench, I was only going to rest. I was going to sit there and just rest. But it was then that I saw them.

There was a red light and right infront of me was Alfred and Dad. Sitting in traffic. They did come! I got to my feet and moved over to the car. Opening the back door as I slid myself inside.

"Matthew?! What in the bloody hell are you doing?! Why aren't you at the hospital? Be sensible boy!"

"Shut up dad!" Alfred snapped, though he sounded kinda funny still cause of his jaw, then looked back at me. "Sorry, the car had a flat. How long were you walking?" Dad pulled into the nearest business front and turned the car around before heading back out on the street to head home.

"It's okay.. I was only walking for maybe.. um.. thirty minutes?" I saw Dad's eyes flash in the rear view mirror. Oh, he wasn't happy with that.

"Daft bastards. I ought to call them and tear them another hole for letting you just walk out like that! Its-" SMACK.

"Shut up dad!" The stare down. Another smack as Dad's hand came down against the back of Alfred's head this time.

"Don't you dare strike or speak to your elders like that! I'm your bloody father! Show some damned respect boy!"

"Don't have to hit so fucking hard... " Al mumbled.

"No fucking swearing!" It was safe to say Al found that response to be as pointless as I did. He rolled his eyes and ignored him for the rest of the ride.

* * *

I walked into the house with Dad and Alfred trailing behind me, atleast dad was. Al was kind of behind me, but he was more or less holding me like I needed the help to walk. It was a little annoying, but I didn't dear say anything about it. I knew Al wanted to be the hero. He felt bad he hadn't been there to 'save' me. That's what he told me, but his slightly mopey expression told me that he was still sulking cause Ivan had gained the upper hand in that brawl. Big egos crash hard.

"You take Matthew to his room, and I'll go make something to eat." I paled, Alfred paled. We shuddered a little.

"Dad! Why don't we have take out. Something from Wang's Kitchen?" I took my chance and headed up the stairs while Al raced into the kitchen to save the both of us from a terrible fate. One worse then death. Dad's cooking.

Once the stairs were out of the way, I started down the hallway and moved quickly into my room and closed the door behind me with a soft click. The silence in the room was deafening almost as I stood in the quiet and just looked around the space. My socked feet gripping at the floor beneath me and Kumajiro was still on the bed. Sitting there, waiting for me. I smiled at him. He was always there. He was there before it happened. He was there during, and after. He was still there. He knew my secret, and he would never tell and never judge.

It was then that I looked to the window. That window. It was closed. Closed and... there was something new there. Something that wasn't there before. Slowly, I approached the sil and looked at what now looked like a half cage around the window. Like it had been fenced off without actually slapping bars on that covered the complete window.

"I wonder who's idea that was." Musing to myself as I sat down at my desk and opened up my laptop with a sigh, my hands running over the keys a moment. I had contemplated checking my emails, but I had only teachers and family on the contacts list. Yes, teachers. I often emailed them for help if there was something I needed. I closed the computer again, big waste of time opening it, and went to my bed. Laying down as I grabbed my bear and held him tightly in my arms.

"I love you Kuma." I buried my face in the stuffed bear's head and gave a tight squeeze. All I could think of now was falling from that window. Why it happened, how it happened. It was all Ivan's fault. Jerk. Creepy friggen jerk. Never again, never again, never again.

It wasn't safe, but it was alright to say that I had gotten over the worst of it. I never cried anymore. I just got angry. Sighing heavily as I hung onto Kumajiro, I tried not to let all that come back. Moving on was the best thing to do and that was that. No ifs ands or butts.

As I lay there, I stared up at the ceiling. Blank. A plain white ceiling with a smooth feel, cool to the touch. There was nothing really all that interesting about it. It was just really peaceful looking. I guess. Well, it was. It was peaceful. there was nothing erratic about it. It was simple and plain and usually ignored. People looked at walls and floors all the time, but who ever took the time to look at the poor ceiling? Well, I was taking that time and making friends with it. However odd that seemed.

There was a soft knock on the door, and I looked towards the wooden barrier as it slowly swung open.

"... Mattie?" Al walked in with a curious look on his face. Concerned for me. I simply smiled at him.

"Hey.. "

"Are you okay?" I nodded. Our voices were in a low level. Almost whispers. But this was calming. Soothing.

"I'm fine... Really. You don't need to worry so much." Al's turn to nod. He came into the room with a glass of vico* in his hand.

"Want some?" How could I not?

"Very much so." Alfred closed the door behind him and walked towards me with cautious steps. Strange way for him to behave, I guess he was more worried about me then previously thought. I pushed myself up, crossing my legs beneath me as I sat on my mattress. Al took a seat beside me and held out the glass. I grasped the glass lightly but firmly in my hand and brought it to my lips. Drinking back the sweet chocolatey beverage. "Is this from the carton?" He shook his head and smiled.

"Nope! I mixed it myself!" Obviously beaming with pride. "You like it?"

"Very much, this tastes like its right from the carton! Thanks Al." It was then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug against him.

"You're welcome Mattie." I followed suit and wrapped my arms around him aswell, being careful not to spill my vico, though I nearly did drop it when I felt the other press a kiss to the side of my neck affectionately. I tried not to get weird or seem uncomfortable. I was used to a kiss on the forehead or the top of my head from Papa or dad. The rare time Al. But this seemed just a little different. I pulled out of the hug after waiting another second or two. I didn't want to embarrass him or something. It was time to change the subject.

"Did you save us?" Al's face cracked a smile and he nodded.

"I did. I saved us from the horrible supervillian. I told Dad his food tasted like hot sick and ass, then I told him that I would not let him destroy you with his powers of evil." All I could do was listen to him and just give him a blank stare.

"What really happened?"

"I told him Papa would get pissed at him and deny him sex if he cooked." At this, we both started laughing for two reasons. It was funny as hell, and I could tell he really had done it.

"He is probably really mad about that." I continued to laugh. Al shrugged.

"Who cares, he was too embarrassed and shocked to actually do anything other then sputter like a dying car." God, I love my family.

* * *

**AN**

_Vico_* - chocolate milk. Its a canadian slang for the drink. Alteast its a term for it where I live. I think Vico was a brand at some point. *shrugs* point is, vico = chocolate milk. XD

I'm sorry. I tried to make this chapter longer. I really did. I think I have a disabilitiy for writing anything longer then 2000 words. Its a pain, cause I really do want to write more, but ya..

Uhm. Also, I'm sorry this was kinda short and pretty boring. I also apologise if they seem out of character a little. But this is an AU story after all, so its kind of to be expected. Also, I'm sorry for the lack of Ivan in this chapter (yes I apologise a lot).

I promise I'll have him more in future chapters. More then likely the next chapter, which should be fun. ^w^ ya... anyway.. I hope this wasn't too much of a let down. I also plan on updating Things that go Bump really soon. I'm moving this weekend, so I'm going to be a little busy and whatnot. *nods*


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or its characters. **

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Why was it that on Mondays, the first class of the day always seemed to be the least favourite? For anyone. I suppose it was to get it out of the way, but it was funny how the cosmos worked like that. Funny, but also a real pain in the ass. Especially this morning. It was my first class of the first day back to school since my tumble from the window. All morning Papa had done nothing but fuss over me and coo, asking if I was certain I was alright.

"Matthieu, are you sure? You could stay home with Papa today. I will call work and tell them mon ange needs me to-"

"Papa, I'm fine."

"Francis, the boy is fine. The doctors said he was fine, I say he is fine, Matthew himself says he is fine. Drop the bloody subject and quit fussing like a hen."

Papa stiffened a little and furrowed his brows just slightly, yet he was able to remain composed and still very.. well... Classy?

"Cher, you are jealous that I am the better parent." The retort softly with a sweet smile.

That was when another fight started. Dad's face had gotten red and started to shout almost everything he could get to come out of his mouth, and Papa just laughed at him and told him how cute he was when he was angry. It just worsened from there, so thankfully Al had taken my hand and pulled me away from the war zone before they began dropping bombs on one another.

Now I was wishing I really had taken mon Papa up on his offer. I was not looking forward to math. It was by far, my least favourite subject. For a few reasons atleast. Not that I was actually bad at math. Unlike Al, who didn't care about his marks cause he was certian he was going to be a famous actor, I wasn't failing this class. I wasn't an A student, but a B was more then satisfying. But the major reason why I wasn't looking forward to this class was Ivan. He was in this class.

Ivan always sat in the seat behind me. Our desks in the far back corner of the class, closest to the windows. I had wanted to get there first so I wouldn't have to walk towards the creepy bastard, but of course, things were not going to be easy. I walked into the room with my books clutched to my chest and looked towards the back. Damnit! He was there. He was sitting there, still as stone with that damn creepy smile on his face, waving at me innocently.

I didn't respond. I looked down and tried to ignore the building fury that pounded deep within my chest. Was it fury, or was it fear? I couldn't tell. The two feelings had mixed together and I could no longer tell the two apart. I wanted Al here. Or atleast sitting closer to me. Normally he sat in the seat closest to the door so he could leave first.

I walked towards my seat, but it felt more like the long road to my execution. Ivan the Terrible was my executioner. I hated the way those eyes watched me. That false innocence. That veil of innocence. False. I knew what was behind that veil, and now that I knew it was there, no amount of betraying innocent looks could mask it. I caught myself starting to glare at him and quickly turned my attention away. Taking a seat, I shifted uncomfortably. I waited.

Waiting for Ivan to start talking to me, to do something.

"Good morning Matthew." There it was.

".... G'morning.. " I mumbled quietly. _Please just go away_.

"How are you feeling today?"

"... Better... "

"That's great news comrade!" I didn't even have to see him to know he was smiling again. But that was it. He stopped talking. Hell, I couldn't even feel those eyes of his on me anymore, but I didn't dare take a chance and look. I didn't want to converse with him. I waited for the bell to ring, and watched as Al came into the class.

Surprisingly, Al didn't take his seat by the door. He kept moving. Coming closer. Soon, he was standing next to me with a very determined and threatening look on his face. Looking between me and Ivan. I just shrank a little more. I watched Alfred from the corner of my eye as he started to loom over the small Japanese kid who sat next to me.

"Out." I looked up. Kiku, if I remembered his name right, was staring up at Al. "Come on. Out. I need to sit there today. You will have my seat this time." He was so quiet. With an unreadable expression painted over his slight features, he gave a nod and quietly gathered his books to move to the desk Al usually sat in.

As soon as Al got the seat, he plopped himself down and turned to the side to face me. He gave me a huge smile before he looked back at Ivan. The smile was gone and in its stead was a dark and malicious expression. A fixed glare on the Russian student.

"I'm watching you. Touch him, and I'll rip off your fucking arm and shove it down your throat." I would have been lying if I said that didn't surprise me. My eyes widened a little and I just decided to try and go invisible. I blocked the rest of the threats out of my mind, and instead focused on the teacher as he walked into the room. Fortunately, Al clued in and stopped handing out death threats to Ivan.

* * *

My classes that day went by as smooth as possible. My last class finally. It was gym. It was a class that I never put much effort into unless we were playing hockey. Then they had my full attention, but this time, all I could do was walk laps around the feild while everyone else played football. Why? Because of my back. I was fine, that much was certian, but the doctors didn't want me over exerting myself too much. So no running and definitely no roughing around in the dirt with a pig skin.

It wasn't so bad, though I did occasionally get hit with the ball if they threw it too far... or too hard. One landed me in the face and knocked me on the flat of my back. I lay motionless with a groan. My brow furrowed. I couldn't see right, but my face was throbbing and leaking a warm metallic tasting liquid.

"You idiot! He's bleeding!"

"Oh my God! Alfred's bleeding!?"

"No! You friggen moron! I'M Alfred! This is Mattie! You dick head!" Rustling foot steps as he took aim to swing I imagined.

"Sorry! Don- OUCH!" I heard a few chuckling, then Al getting hell for whacking another student before my brother was in my face.

"Mattie? Shit... Teach! He's bleeding still."

"I'm fine..wh-who threw that?"

"Ludwig threw it." Alfred then proceeded to give the German student a dirty look. Ludwig on the other hand was doing quite the opposite and was giving me an apologetic look.

"Its okay.. I doubt he was aiming right for me" I paused and started to paw the ground a bit. "Where are my glasses?" I looked up at Al, who was a lot clearer then everyone else. My brother started to look around and shifted before we heard an audible crunch.

"... Found them."

I sighed. There was an extra pair in my locker, so I wasn't too miserable, but I was still pretty ticked. Al looked upset too, but I was assuming it was guilt. My luck lately just hadn't been the greatest.

After I was helped up, Alfred took to brushing the dirt from me. Snapping at anyone who tried to help. All I could do was give them an apologetic look and give excuses for Al's behavior. I didn't mind being dusted off, but he had taken a pass too many over my backside and I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from blushing. Though I don't think anyone would have noticed, since my face had a rather large red mark on it from being smacked on the kisser with the ball.

* * *

Class was over finally. I had changed out of my gym clothes and went straight for my regular outfit. Pulling the red bunnyhug over my head, I had decided to forgo the shower aspect of the changeroom ritual. I had limited time before the last bell went and I would be leaving for home. So I could always shower there. It wasn't like I had exactly built up a real good sweat or anything.

Stuffing my clothes into the gym bag. I tossed them into my locker before I headed out to the hallway. This was going to prove to be interesting. My glasses were completely broken. Again. Now I had to dodge between students in the hallway and fumble myself towards my locker to grab my things and get my second pair on.

This task was never my favourite. At first the walk was okay, since thats what it was. A walk. But soon the crowd of students in a blind panic to leave the school became too much. They were ramming into one another, excited to go home. Pushing eachother around and I found myself being tossed around like I was in a salad.

I was just about to reach my locker when there was a hard check that came at me from the side. My body was slammed into the nearst locker and I could tell it was going to bruise. I gripped my shoulder and shot the guy a dirty look before I finally was able to get to my locker. I kept my head down and twisted the combination out before I swung the locker door open. But as soon as I did, I slammed it shut again with a burning red blush on my face. _No. No, no, no, no. _


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or any of the associating characters. (no matter how badly I wish it was so)**

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"...No.."

I swallowed hard and waited. I waited for the crowd to disperse and fade. To vanish. They needed to, they needed to be gone before I could even consider opening my locker again. I prayed silently that this was just a joke. That this was simply a dream. That the football hit me so hard in the face, it dislodged my brain and left me hallucinating.

It was infuriating.

It was making me anxious and scared.

It was a reminder.

Once I was certian that the halls were empty, I turned and began to open my locker again.

It was a pile of sealed letters. Each one addressed to a certain 'Sunflower'. To me. It brought a whole new meaning to the title 'With love from Russia'. I began to wonder if all Russians were this creepy and presistant. _No, don't you dare start thinking like that. Its wrong to think such things! Ivan is just one person. Do not judge and entire nation like that!_

I hurriedly gathered all of the letters and stuffed them into my bag before I found my second pair of glasses and was able to slip them on. With that done, I slung the bag over my shoulder and slammed the locker shut. Turning on my heels I all but ran to the entrance of the school to escape the building.

I had to get home. I needed to be home. I needed to investigate this further to assure myself that this was hopefully a dream. I wanted to lock myself in my room and close the blinds. To hide myself away in the dark, pouring over these letters. It scared me, it made me unsure and it angered me. I needed to hide them. I had to.

I couldn't risk Alfred seeing these. After what he did for me and knowing that he ended up in hospital... I couldn't let that happen again. I couldn't let him see these and go nuts after Ivan. I loved Alfred too much for that.

All I could think about as I ran home was hiding the letters. I ended up sneaking around the back of the house and in through the screen door. Removing my shoes as quickly as possible, I crept up the stairs and barricaded myself within my bedroom. Locking the door and ramming my chair, jamming it underneath the door knob. No way in hell was anyone coming in.

I closed the blinds, and turned the light on before I turned to the meanacing backpack on my bed. Not sure exactly, how long I was standing there for. But I was nervous. Slowly I moved towards the bag and opened it, dumping the contents onto my mattress. Notices, books, pencils and pens. A little bit of loose change, and all those letters, poured out. Some finding their way to the floor. I counted them all out, assuming I had gathered them all and sat down.

It was then I began the slow and painful proccess of reading them. Each one at a time. My chest felt tight and my hands were shaking. The small sound of paper rustling was the only sound that could be heard apart from my nervous breathing.

My eyes darted over the letters. Each one was filled with pet names and cooings. Words descirbing love declarations and apologies. Paragraph upon paragraph of apologies and explainations. Feelings and thoughts. It was almost as if I was reading Ivan's journal. If he ever kept one anyway.

Now, I'm not sure when, but at some point... my anger began to dwindle and a feeling of pity started to grow instead. Even after what happened to me, I felt pity. Pity for the monster that hormoning teenaged minds created. Pity for the creature that didn't know how to love. That needed to be taught. I understood that now, but I still couldn't forgive him for his actions.

The letters stated that Ivan was sorry. That he hadn't meant to hurt me. That he had honestly thought I was just overreacting because I was scared. But I was scared, so he wasn't too far off on that. He scared me, just like he scares everyone else.

* * *

That night at supper, I didn't have a real appetite. My mind was humming with activity and I couldn't get it to stop no matter what I tried.

"Matthieu, is everything alright?"

I blinked and looked up after Papa's voice broke my concentration. It seemed he had said what everyone had been thinking as Al and Dad were giving me worried looks aswell.

"Oh.. I'm fine." They didn't look like they believed me. By rights, they shouldn't. I wasn't fine. I wasn't okay. I was confused, angry, hurt, scared, and yet I was also hovering in a state of some preverse version of joyful, and lost in some realm where nothing made sense.

"You don't look fine..."

"I'm fine!" Snapping at Alfred maybe wasn't the best way to prove that. I ended up shoving my mouth with supper. Finishing it up fast before I got up. "That was good Papa. Thanks." I said in haste.

"Matthew, wait-" Dad tried, but I was already out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Down the hall and in my room. I once again locked the door behind me and headed towards my bed.

Crashing down on it in a very dramatic flop, I landed on my stomach and groaned in irritation. Grabbing my bear, I held him close and kissed the top of his head. Turning on my side, I balled up and stared at the wall for a while.

"Its not fair..." I whispered.

* * *

I know! Its short! I know, you have waited a long time for this I suppose, and its pitiful short. (;A;) don't hate me!

I'm just low on muse for this one again, what with my living between a new place and home. (something I'm not at all happy about). I'll try and update mattie_99 and Things that go Bump soon. I Promise, okay? ^w^ I love all of you still, and thanks for sticking with it this far. I'll do better in the future, I promise!


	17. Urgent Fanfic notice thinger

OOOKAY! So.. this was one of my more popular stories. I haven't given up on it, just everything I was doing was a hiatus thingy I suppose.. life happened D: I sorry..

Anyway, this whole thing about Fanfic and their M stuff has scared me pretty bad. I'm worried I"ll be banned and deleted and everything, so I'm taking copies of everything I've done and will be posting it up on my Tumblr and / or my deviant art, if I could ever get the damn thing to work right for me D: If I can get dA to love me, I'll post my contact info on tumblr..

tumblr id: cbjc

I know, I'm super creative.. anyway.. that's what's going to happen. Also, I'm going to be modifying Letters in a Locker and republishing it with all it's new edits and things. Just letting everyone know~


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